“One thing is needful — To ‘give style’ to one’s character — a great and rare art!” ~ Nietzsche
“The thing that separates two people the most is a difference in their sense and degree of cleanliness. All the good behavior, mutual utility, and goodwill in the world will not help: what matters, in the end, is that they can’t stand the smell of each other!” ~ Nietzsche
Having taught about intimate relationships for more than ten years in the Leonard Pavilion at the Esalen Institute, I finally read George Leonard’s “The End of Sex: Erotic Love After the Sexual Revolution.” Published in 1983, in “The End of Sex” Leonard critiques the sexual revolution for focusing primarily on physical gratification, which he argues led to superficial and transactional relationships and a neglect of deeper emotional connections. Leonard proposes that the emphasis of the sexual revolution, brought on by the advent of the birth control pill, on individual expression and freedom resulted in a detachment of intercourse from meaningful intimacy and commitment.
CUT TO forty years later…
As wearing Beats headphones in public screams “Don’t even think about speaking to me!” wearing a baseball cap indoors screams “I can’t even bother washing let alone combing my hair, you don’t want to imagine how filthy the rest of body is, and how truly unconcerned about creating a mutually pleasing intimate sensual experience with you I am! I’ve got zero @#$%! to give!”
Are these madly fashionable cappers “beyond” sex? Not according to the statistics I’ve seen regarding online porn — these people just can’t be bothered with suiting up for some old-fashioned clean fun IRL.
It appears as if many people are opting for tepid curated digital interactions instead of complicated often ambiguous relationships involving hot flesh. The law of diminishing returns.
Scott Galloway reckons that dating apps create what he calls “Porsche Polygamy,” i.e., the wealthiest 10% of males are tagging 90% of the women — that’s “tag” as in “tag and release” back into the wild, or what I call NENM, Non-ethical Non-monogamy. The unsaid. These men often use the relationship trojan horse to lure unsuspecting women into their rotations-pun intended. What number are you in his line-up? Will you be so satisfying that you cause Mr. Porsche to delete his dating apps? Doubtful.
So it must be that tiny 90% of bottom feeders who have no more @#$%! to give. Hence, the baseball cap has become endemic, indoors nonetheless, where protection from the harsh elements is completely unnecessary.
Can’t be bothered to spend five minutes on personal hygiene?
“Self-discipline equals self-esteem and self-esteem equals self-discipline,” someone once said.
Why comb your hair when you can just cover it up with a cap?
Hat worn backwards? “I peaked in college! It’s all downhill from here!”
Cocked to the side? “I’m assimilating downward but don’t tell my therapist!”
Jordan Peterson argues that young men will be more successful in life if they make their beds in the morning; I believe that these same young men would be more successful in bed if they refrained from wearing baseball caps when they’re not playing baseball.
In “The End of Sex” Leonard envisions a transformation towards integrating deeper dimensions into human relationships. He advocates for moving beyond the purely physical aspects of sex to embrace a more holistic understanding that includes emotional and spiritual bonds. This shift focuses on engendering authentic connectionsby addressing the ramifications of casual encounters or what young people now refer to as “hanging out.” Encouraging open discussions about the pros and cons of hooking up and promoting healthy authentic loving relationships would help mitigate some of the negative effects experienced by young people today… before they choose to opt-out of romantic relationships completely, which so many of them are doing today… hence, the cap.
George Leonard dreamed of a society where we move beyond superficiality and embrace relationships rooted in authenticity. I’m extremely honored to teach in his pavilion.
The first step to re-opening authentic and loving communications might just be as simple as saying goodbye to the cap and hello to the hairbrush.