There was once a girl who knew the power of the wind in her hair and the warmth of the sun upon her skin. There was once a girl who knew how to be. Not what she should be. Not how she should be. Not what she was expected to be. A girl who knew just how to be.
This girl was alive. This girl was authentic. This girl shone from the light in her eyes to the magical sparks that left a trail as she walked.
Do you remember her?
I do!
I remember letting the wind blow me across the playground. I remember how it filled me with joy and the sound of the laughter all around as child after child gleefully connected with mother nature in that moment.
I remember walking home from the holiday clubhouse with my dad and a bag of chips. Looking at the stars. How he showed me the bright light of the north star and the big dipper. My excitement as for two weeks we watched the moon wax or wane. The warm smell of sea and sand and the quiet night sounds will always be anchors of happiness for me.
I remember back further sitting at the kitchen table with paint and water making butterfly after butterfly. I folded the paper just the way my mummy had shown me. The smell of cabbage cooking and the flowery apron my mummy had tied around her waist. Always a memory to bring a smile to my face.
All of these are moments before I had become small. Moments before I understood that to shine my light wasn’t really what I should do. It wasn’t really what good little girls did. These are moments before I began to untrust me. Before the answers had to come from outside of me.
What memories are yours before that time when you no longer could just be?
When I birthed my son and entered a new period of my life. When a mother birthed too that day. My motherhood, my new rite of passage. My journey of matrescence began. How unaware, how unprepared, how unsure I was! Now I needed answers: where would I look? I didn’t look to the place of trust. I looked for the answers outside of me.
What gadgets do I need?
What brand should I use?
How should I do things?
When should things be done?
What am I aiming for and when?
So many questions and doubts flew around inside my head; inside a head that is attached to a body that deep inside dwelled the knowing!
Too much choice!
Too much advice!
Too much variations!
Too many not rights!
A feeling of judgement, a hidden shame and a seed of thought was sewn; the seed of not being a good enough mum.
I’m calling bulls%%t, i’m calling b%%locks and I am calling what a load of f%%kery.
The answer I discovered is inside of me!
In the depths where the untrusted knowing is calling to be.
I can trust me – I can learn to be.
It is time to unlearn – relearn – reconnect to that girl of memories in a time when it was ok to just be.
The answers are inside of me, they always have been!
The feminine intuition and the maternal instincts; these are trusted to be the switch that lights the beacon.
Shine bright and fill yourself up. It is time to be. It is time to become. It is time to ignite your power and travel your matrescence and motherhood journey.
It is time to be, it is time to invest in your SELF.
Then you can be that mother you thought and dreamt of, the mother you now know you truly want to be.
It is time to heal yourself and fill your vessel – then it is time to shine in true goddess fashion and be the mum true to your Self.
Love and Abundance
Nixie