8 Counterintuitive Ways to Build Confidence.

Trying to be more confident doesn’t work, especially in the moment. Confidence is not something you turn off and on.

Being the most confident person in the room is not about never showing weakness. Confidence is something you feel because you are at peace with the person you have become. Confidence is knowing your actions are aligned with your beliefs and you control your reaction to every situation.

True confidence is evident when your faults are open for everyone to see… yet you still take action.

Here some actions to take that will help you exercise your vulnerability while in turn increasing your confidence:

1. Apologize for Something You Did

When you commit an error, hiding behind it only makes it worse. You feel bad and your actions will be diminished. Admit your mistake and your confidence will increase because you are now free to make changes and take proper action going forward.

2. Apologize for Something You Forgot to Do

Every act of omission is still point of conflict. Admitting now is a chance to show that you recognize the humanness of others.

It is chance to honor your commitment and admit that you did not keep it, but will do whatever it takes to make it right in the future.

3. Say Thank You (And Mean It)

When you express gratitude, be detailed in your thanks. Tell them why their action impacted you and what it means to your future happiness.

The more grateful you are, the more your confidence will increase.

4. Admit a Weakness

This is extremely hard. Most of us get defensive when our weaknesses are exposed. The trick to learn is that when we admit a weakness, we gain strength because now we own it. It is ours. No one can use it against us.

Owning your weaknesses helps you control the outcome. Confidence is increased as we grow our locus of control.

5. Share a Personal Experience When You Failed

Stories bring people together. Stories allow us to connect. The more connected you are to those you interact with the more they will trust you. Connectedness and trust are the foundation of feeling more confident around others.

Show others you trust them by sharing a deeply personal story, they will trust you in return. Everyone’s confidence will increase.

6. Confess to Not Knowing Everything

Just because you know it doesn’t mean you always will. Look for ways to learn something new. When you do learn, it means you didn’t know it before.

Let the person sharing or teaching know you that you just learned something. The more you share when you learn, the more human you become. As you build those connections with people your confidence will continue to increase.

7. Teach Someone Something You Are Still Learning

It takes courage to teach when you do not feel like an expert. Let them know you are learning as well but your knowledge will still add value to their journey. The act of teaching helps you in two ways: you learn more and your confidence in the subject grows.

Seeing someone else learn and apply what you shared will also build your confidence.

8. Compliment People You Want to Become Like

Giving compliments to others is often seen as a weakness, as kissing-up, or as a sign we have not yet become who we are supposed to be. Yes, these reasons can all be true. Compliments can be all of those things. That is not always bad though.

Showing we are still working on becoming who we want to become lets us live our life in the open. When we are free to live our authentic selves, we are more likely to act in a confident manner.

Bringing it all together

It takes courage to be vulnerable. The more courage we show the more our confidence will increase. Showing imperfections is only weak when those faults stop us from taking action. Opening up to others allows them to truly see us. When they see us, we are vulnerable.

That vulnerability allows for deeper connections to take place while opening the door for courage to be used. This confidence is the courage to act in spite of fear and imperfection.

Embrace your vulnerabilities and watch your confidence soar.

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Originally published at www.inc.com on May 31, 2017.

Originally published at medium.com