Some of us our chronic thinkers. Our minds are so busy we forget to listen to the quiet around us. If you are someone with negative self-talk, that’s the first thing to do: Just listen to the sounds or quiet around you and you will realize how much constant chatter is going on inside your head. Then as if you were an observer of your own mind, listen to the chronic debates you have about your self that you are surrounding yourself with. Take a deep breath and start again. Think this time with reason not emotion. You will find that your talk changes to a more rational decision-making process about whatever you are plagued with.
Take that energy and turn it into something helpful for yourself. Give yourself credit for the power you have over your thinking. Listen to the wise part of you juggle with the mixed-up parts of you. Imagine you were giving advice to someone you loved and tell yourself those thoughts and feelings. Give yourself a break from prolonged agonies of self-doubt and journey into the world of positive thinking. It’s not as hard as it sounds, but it takes lots of repetition to make it your own positive experience of self-expression.
Go past your thoughts to the outcome of positive thinking. Consider the pleasures or relief you will find if you curtail the negative thoughts. Imagine a strong, vibrant person who considers their needs first and only. Then rethink whatever your dilemma is, and you may find new enlightening thoughts that didn’t come to you before.
Consider yourself an important, valuable person who deserves the wisest advice and encouragement that you would give a loved one. That is, you. Regard yourself with respect and try on the illusion of someone who feels proud of herself.
If you daydream about an upcoming event or encounter, imagine it turning out the way you want. This is a rehearsal for the positive outcome that you want. You may be surprised if you imagine it the way you want it to turn out repeatedly with all the nuances possible that indeed you will prepare yourself for that positive outcome.
Positive self-talk is effective in reaching your goals. It gives you the opportunity to imagine yourself having a stellar moment, a joyful time, a memorable event. It gives you the picture or image in your mind of you at your most proud times and accomplishments. Through repetition of positive self-talk, you learn more about your attributes and the negatives disappear. Then when the day comes to actually face the event or interaction you are persistently thinking about; the positives will come forth naturally because you have made them your own.
Self-talk is inevitable. It’s how our minds work. Don’t defeat it. Enhance it. Live in your mind the way you want to be, and you will be surprised how effective this is in real life.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst and author of three parenting books. When you self-talk, parent yourself with love and care. Read: Unlocking Parental: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior, The Busy Parent’s Guide to Managing Anxiety in Children and Teens: The Parental Intelligence Way and The Busy Parent’s Guide to Managing Anger in Children and Teens: The Parental Intelligence Way. Visit Laurie’s website for more insights: lauriehollmanphd.com.
