I am in a Facebook group of women entrepreneurs who support each other. Sometimes people have amazing advice, and other times it becomes a total bitch-fest.

Not too long ago, one of the members posted to vent about someone who came into her shop, nosed around for quite a while, muttering about the lack of quality, then finally bought something exclaiming, “This better not be on sale next week.”

I stopped looking at the comments once they got over 100.

The majority of the comments were vengeful or hateful in nature. “Put it on sale just to stick it to her.” or “What a bitch.” And, worse.

There I was, not making a sound, shaking my head at their behavior in anonymity.

I soon realized that I was no different, and that ugly comes in many forms.

There is the OUTWARD UGLY (the woman in the shop).
There is the BEHIND THE BACK UGLY (the nasty comments in the FB group)
There is the SILENT UGLY (me–judging them for being so judgy.)

It’s ugly no matter what form it comes in.

For a long time I would never admit that I could be ugly. That I could be incredibly nasty. That I was just as judgmental as the next person.

Now, I am okay with my ugly. I wish it wasn’t there, but I no longer fight against it, or deny that it exists. Instead, I embrace and examine it.

You know why?

Because it’s a signpost. It is telling me something deeply important, and if I don’t embrace it and get curious about it, it will unleash itself and do major damage –potentially irreparable damage.

The lady in the shop unleashed her ugly. The ladies in the FB group unleashed their ugly as well. But, I doubt if any of them examined their ugly to see what it meant about THEM.

I kept my ugly hidden, and once examined, I was able to see how my EGO loves to tell other people how to be better people. It allows me to feel worthy. It allows me to fulfill my need to be important and significant.

You know what else it does? It disconnects me.

Your silent, or behind the back, or outer ugly can also lead to disconnection if left unexamined.

What do you think you would discover if you embraced and examined your inner ugly? What universal need is your inner ugly trying to fulfill?

Embracing My Ugly,



  • Theresa Destrebecq

    Teaching You To Build a Self-FULL Life!

    I teach women how to step into their power, especially after a loss--a lost job, a lost relationship, a lost business, or a general lost sense of self. I help them to see how and where they have given away their power to people or situations outside of them, and instead take back their power and create a self-full life. By blending personal development, intra and interpersonal communication skills, and conflict transformation tools, my clients develop a strength and calm, despite storms brewing around them. I am also the founder of the Emerge Book Circle, a global community of hundreds of women who love three things: Books, Personal Growth, and Community. If you are interested, head over to my website to book a sample coaching session. www.theresadestrebecq.com