“We All Have a Chapter That We Don’t Read Out loud”
I have spent a good portion of my life wanting to be like other people. Wishing I had the things that they did and dreaming I could live a life of normalcy, one without trauma. My life was this revolving door of drama. People felt bad for me, but they were also afraid to be pulled in. I remember always wanting to be on the other side. I was ashamed of where I came from and who I was around at times. I was stuck between “does this make me superficial or do I just want better for myself?” The truth is I didn’t want to be like them, for some reason I was different and wanted more.
Today, it isn’t so much like that. Yes, my family, as in my mom, dad sisters and brothers, and my past isn’t what I would want it to be but its mine. I own that. They are a part of me and a part of who I am. I do love them all very much and miss them everyday. Because of them I have goals and dreams that one day at a time I am achieving, but I just want better.
I can’t count how many days I have spent pretending to be someone else because of my past. I just wanted to fit in. I was always so worried about being that person people would like, that I hid the best part of me. I hid what set me apart from them to conform to their normal, when the fact of the matter is my normal was ok.
My past is a huge part of who I am today. Our past is a part of our individual stories and mine is what gives me my drive and determination. My pain and my trauma has set me apart from others. I have incredible strength. Pain can be the cause of loosing so much, including hope. When we find that strength again and pull ourselves up, the end result can be amazing.
Today, my pain isn’t something that I reflect on as a negative because now when I tell my stories and read through the chapters of my life, I have already began helping so many others heal. My stories have brought hope to the hearts of others because they see who I am today. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel; you just need to find common ground between who you used to be, who you want to be, and who you are. Understanding it is a process and a beautiful one at that.
I always find a way