I’ve recently become an Empty Nester. It’s that stage in life when all of the children have left the home for college or general adulthood. My youngest just started her first semester off at a university that is quite a long way away- a plane ride in fact. As a single mom, I felt this change in a big way, although I knew it was coming. The house became a lot quieter and at times, a lot lonelier too.
For us, as parents, Empty Nest is a period where we experience a profound sense of loss or sadness because we’ve spent most of our time for the past few decades raising our kids and focusing on their successes. The shift away from that is quite pronounced and the sense of loss can be particularly shocking if we’re not filling our time with other activities.
Worse still, Empty Nest can hit harder for women. This occurs for a variety of reasons but often because women have taken on the role of primary caregiver. Additionally, a lot of a woman’s identity is tied to her status as a mother. When her roles change, she can feel like she is losing a lot of herself in the transition. Additionally, this experience can often overlap with other big life changes like menopause, retirement and caring for aging parents. Even more challenging, perhaps, is the fact that there is less societal support for empty nesters which can often exasperate their sense of loneliness.
As with any other life transition, it can help if you prepare for it ahead of time and start putting yourself in a state of mind to be more ready when it happens. Before the last child leaves, begin reconnecting with old hobbies, interests, and goals that you put on hold. For example, I launched and developed a new product a few years before my daughter left for university. I also started a fresh workout routine and diet as well. It’s also a good idea to strengthen relationships with your spouse or partner, and other friends so that you’ll have more support and others to turn to during this period.
You should also plan ahead and brainstorm about how you want to spend your extra time. There is a silver lining. You now have the opportunity to travel more, take on some new hobbies or roles, and even go back to work if that is something that you desire. Surround yourself with people too. Talk about it and have open conversations with your family so that you can brainstorm and prepare together.
Unfortunately, many people do not always prepare, and, as such, Empty Nest can hit all at once after the fact. The best way to cope in that case has to do with accepting the change. When it hits, it’s crucial to acknowledge your feelings. Remind yourself that you’re entitled to feel sad, lost, or upset. Keep in mind that even though your children are gone, it doesn’t mean you have to be disconnected from them. Keep in touch while respecting their growing independence. Video calls, text, and visits are great ways to stay close.
Additionally, do your best to fill the gap that your children have left behind. Find some meaningful activities, volunteer or start a new project. Find support from others who are going through a similar experience, trusted friends, or even talk it out with a therapist if needed.
Empty Nest is not all bad. It’s a time when many people go back to school, start or restart their career, build new relationships, travel, and give back. Many empty nesters focus on their health and well-being, downsize, and embrace new life chapters, such as spiritual journeys. I’ve been leaning into all these things and am really starting to enjoy and look forward to my new direction.
At the end of the day, you should be embracing this time to focus on your own personal growth and care. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time investing in others, and now it’s time to reinvest back into yourself. You deserve it!