What is fear, really?

Well, fear is just our mind alerting us to some perceived danger. And the word “perceived” here is key. Because we only think we’re in danger—we don’t actually know whether the danger is real or not.

And that is why fear isn’t real!

Fear is just something we make up. And the worst part is that we often feel fear because someone else is telling us to feel that way. That’s a problem.

How others affect your fear

In some cases, fear can be useful. If you stumble across a bear in the woods, you should rightly be scared. But when we talk about fear in modern society—and especially in your professional career—it’s usually unnecessary.

Fear of making mistakes or fear of failure is a perfect example of fear that isn’t real. There’s no actual danger involved. So why do we let it affect us?

Well, it often comes down to the people around us. Sometimes the people around you are instilling fear in you, even if you might not realize it. These are the people that tell you you can’t do something. They’re the people that tell you you’re crazy for thinking you can be successful, or that you should take a step back because that big goal you’re shooting for is unattainable.

But here’s what is really happening.

In reality, those statements are layered in self pity and doubt. When people say these things to you, it’s because you’re doing something that makes them feel really uncomfortable—and they don’t like that. They’re seeing you do things that scare them, and they’re seeing you be successful. So they question why they’re not doing the things that you’re doing.

When people tell you you can’t do things, here’s what they’re really saying… 

They’re saying, “I’m really uncomfortable with you having this success because I feel like if you continue to be successful, I’m not going to be your friend anymore.”

That doesn’t sound like a very good friend, does it?

Here’s the deal. If someone else can do it when everyone else said they can’t… Why can’t you? The answer is that you can! You can do these things. You can take the big leap to achieve your goals or make the risky decision. 

It’s all in your head…because fear is just in your head!

Auditing your inner circle

The lesson behind all of this is that we often have people in our inner circle who are instilling fear in us, and they shouldn’t be there. They don’t deserve to be there, because your inner circle should be reserved exclusively for friends, loved ones, and people who will push you forward.

In the example above, think about what that person is really saying. Could they be any more selfish and narcissistic? Basically, they’re saying that they don’t want you to be more successful than them.

Your inner circle should be filled with people who are thrilled at seeing you succeed! They should be saying, “I think what you’re doing is amazing and I’m going to support you no matter what because I love you!”

That sounds a lot better, doesn’t it?

Don’t allow people in your inner circle to be the naysayer. Don’t allow them to prevent you from achieving your greatness. Don’t let the fear get to you, because it’s not real.

If this resonates with you, it might be time to take a second look at your inner circle. Do you have people who tell you you can’t do things? Do you have people who are secretly afraid of your success? If so, you may need to rethink who you allow into your inner circle…