‘I always have the leftovers’
I had this said to me recently. We weren’t talking about food. Though you could apply it to food as equally as you could other things. I took it as being more symbolic of self-worth and what it says about you and how you show up in the world.
I think of self-worth as being how I value and treat myself—an internal state of being. If I have high self-worth, I appreciate who I am, what I do, how I feel, how I interact with others, what happens in my life. When my self-worth is low, I don’t value who I am, what I do, how I feel, or how I interact with others.
Your self-worth shows up in every aspect of your life, which is why it’s such an important topic.
Yet many of us struggle with it and sadly don’t necessarily see that we have low self-worth. Instead, we accept our situation as if it’s true, as if it’s just the way it is, our place in the world, rather than an internal issue that we can address. That’s why it goes under the radar. We don’t realize we have low self-worth. We think it’s just how things are for us.
Self-worth is a topic I love. One that I grappled with for many years. It’s sneaky. You don’t realize that you are de-valuing yourself daily, and sometimes it takes something big to happen for you to sit up and see your life for what it is and do something about it.
I was aware that I didn’t always value my skills and contribution as highly I could in the workplace but never did anything about it because I got by without tackling it. I didn’t have the drive to do anything about it because I still had a good life.
It was creating my own business that made me sit up and realize I couldn’t continue as I was. Running your own business with low-self worth hits your bottom line in a big way. Undercharging, not promoting your work, downplaying what you offer your clients, taking on too much work, allowing clients to behave like shareholders. Suddenly, I had to face how I felt about myself; otherwise, my business would not make a profit; it was a stark reality.
Sometimes it does take healing your past to raise your self-worth because it’s ingrained in you and it can come from your early years. I do this work with my clients, who have gone on to turn their life around completely.
However, we can be continually perpetuating low self-worth in very subtle ways. The purpose of this blog is to highlight ways you can be bringing yourself down daily and start being on the lookout to shift this.
- Maybe you always settle for the leftovers after everyone has taken their picking at mealtimes.
- Perhaps you never watch the film you want because others always choose.
- You are always buying the cheapest product when you desire a branded version.
- You allow clients to run your calendar, even agreeing to meetings on your day off.
These not may sound like much on their own. But when you do this continually throughout the day, and the next day and the next, there’s a compounding effect going on. A strong message is sent to your subconscious mind without you realizing it. Then when the time comes to look at your prices, pay rise, promotion, terms, and conditions, negotiate agreements, you struggle. You get the leftovers.
To turn things around, you need to become the witness to your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Tune into your day. I like to think of things visually, so I started picturing a see-saw. When I interact with others, I see a see-saw and pause to see if it feels in balance. Or do I feel like my backside is on the floor while the other person is elevated in the air? And vice versa. Are my actions putting me in an elevated position rather than an equal exchange of energy?
As with all things emotion and mindset related, it’s consistent daily shifts that make the most significant change.
You are worthy of having the main meal, not the leftovers. But sometimes you’re so used to the leftovers it takes conscious work to begin having the main meal.
If you’re realising your self-worth isn’t where you want it to be, what ONE thing could you do today to start changing it?