We are humans and what we all want and need is belonging to someone, we want to feel loved, we want to be seen and heard, we want to feel that we are ok and safe.
I grew up in a family where I never had this feeling. When I was eighteen I consulted an astrologer for the first time and her first phrase: “Oh you where born into a family you do not belong to” almost threw me off the chair. I was like “What? That exists? This is what I feel every day and it makes me feel ashamed, guilty, angry, confused all at the same time. How can this be possible?“
Well that’s obviously possible and it kind of gave me a good portion of peace because now I was able to trust my feelings and understood many of the situations that happened at home where I felt misunderstood.
Finally, I was able to make peace inside of me and with my family.
Of course, I still had problems to go through situations and the sad feeling not belonging was still acute but at least I knew what was ‘wrong’ respectively why I felt what I felt.
This feeling of not belonging was something that always was in my body. I school I was standing by and observed everything. I had friends but it never felt like really belonging. There was always one good friend luckily that I had a great connection with, but also in friendships I felt like a follower, observer, bystander.
The older I got I was detached from this craving and doing everything to ”I need to belong”, I was ok.
More importantly was when I later in life met people where I felt in the right place, with people that get me, with a community that is alike and where I was able to show up as myself. But of course that was so unusual, that I never trusted in situation where I felt accepted and in it!
The more I read about feelings, psychology, healing the inner child, I understood that I am a highly sensitive and introvert person and for people like me it is not always easy to open up and be confident with others, especially after a childhood where you always had to walk on eggshells and being careful not to hurt someone because that would mean you are bad and not loved.
I went through a few workplaces where the feeling always came up and it was also what my astrologer had told me, “you will never really belong, it’s your theme of this life, but you learn how to live with it”. Great perspective, right?
One day I was asked from a so called friend if I would like to join a women’s circle. I thought why not, it is a safe place for me as it also happens on the phone, you do not get too close to each other. The main purpose of the circle is to be there for each other, to share your truth without being judged for anything. The way how it works is through sacred listening. There is a question every week that we answer one after another, nobody is commenting anything after your few minutes of talking. Have you ever practiced that, sacred listening? Try it, you will be surprised how weird it feels in the beginning when you tell your truth, your opinion and no reaction is coming back. Even that felt like a judgement for me, but now, after a year practice and “belonging” to this circle, I have learnt to speak up without the fear of being judged or criticised, also outside of this circle I have the confidence to open up.
It has increased my confidence in myself, my intuition, my word. It has deepened the connection with myself and I have understood that we have to start with ourselves, the self-respect and self-worth is what gives us strength in life.
This circle has helped me a lot, and so had my yoga and meditation practice. Yoga and meditation are also tools where you can increase self-love and confidence by knowing yourself better and connecting to your higher self. It is worth to create this connection to yourself, being in alignment in order to feel it with others. Start by belonging to yourself and you will see that many areas of your life can open up. The best in all this: you know who you truly are and you can start living a purpose-driven life.
If you have a lack of self-worth/-trust or other negative feelings, feel free to use my meditations on my webpage or contact me for a chat.
Here is a free Masterclass as well which might interest you in order to heal and thrive in life. In one-to-one coaching sessions we can heel your inner child.
Photo by Amer Mughawish on Unsplash