Q: Allana, I think my wife is smoking hot from head to toe. She is sheer perfection. She doesn’t think so. We don’t have any mirrors in our house except for the bathroom because she doesn’t want to see herself. What advice can you give her and women like her who can’t, don’t see themselves in the same light as those who love them?
A: Don’t we all want a husband like that? You are amazing. You are awesome. You are noble. You are incredible. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for being her husband. This world is messed up. Every picture she sees in a magazine isn’t even real in the first place. It’s been airbrushed. It’s like she’s looking into a fantasy comparing herself from the outside in, and she can never be what’s not even real in the first place. She’s screwed just by opening her eyes in the morning. Just like self-confidence comes from the inside out, not seeking approval, so does body love. Oh, I have so many wonderful things that she can do.
First, I don’t think it’s your job to mentor her or whatever. Just continuing to do what you do, not overly, but just continue to acknowledge her beauty. Just like it’s the sky is blue, you’re smoking hot head to toe. No trying to convince her, just continue the truth. That’s your job.
Second, I have so many ideas. I right now, I live in an A frame and I can’t put the pole up, I’m a pole dancer, because it falls down. There’s wonderful dance classes. Sheila Kelley, I’ve interviewed her on intimate conversations, she’s awesome. S factor, I don’t know where you live, and if that’s a possibility, or if there might be a spin off of those kind of classes. The idea is just like she’s doing, no mirrors, and you go in and it’s about falling in love with your body and the sacredness of your sexuality. Depending on where you live, I would also research a dance movement class, because the whole idea is that we are beauty herself.
We are the vessel through which sacred energy, sexual energy, life force energy, radiance comes in us, as us, and through us. If we stop that flow, we’re sad, cranky, exhausted. We look older. We compare ourselves to others. We feel not enough. And yet when we be this knowing, and source our worth from the inside out and begin to be best friends with our body, life changes. I was just saying on one of my interviews yesterday for my podcast with Suzie Moore what we do to love on ourselves. I’m like, “I do not know how I can survive without sparkly underwear.” She’s like, “I hear you sister, it’s my black eyeliner.” We’re laughing of how we fall in love with our bodies. There’s actions that need to be taken.
Listen, I used to model, was a dancer. I was always comparing myself from the outside in. I didn’t do bulimia or anorexia, but I did some other shit. I really, I understand and I love my body. It has stretch marks. It wobbles. It has double bounces in a few areas. I’m 48. I’m at peace in my body … so I would love to be that support for her.
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.