I’m gulping hard as I am about to tell you my truth – not for pity, but for validation and acceptance and to make a tiny dent in the shame secret that so many women, so many couples endure quietly.

We found out a gift we were expecting lost its way.

Four weeks ago, our universe flipped over when at 45, we found out we were expecting. I’ve never been pregnant in all my years. And we certainly were not trying. To say there was shock is a huge understatement. The past 4 weeks have been like visiting a theme park filled with roller coasters.

From having shock, then acceptance, then fear, hope, joy, imagination, more fear, more shock, sadness. We are grateful to have had the experience of creating something out of love.

I feel like women have so much shame and don’t share this enough when it happens. It’s like a terrible secret and that makes me sad.

Here are my takeaways from this experience. First, if I am honest, I always wanted to know what it would feel like to be pregnant. If I am deeply, truly honest, I never felt like I deserved it. To be loved by someone so much, we created something together.

Second, as I think about the next days and weeks, an image of a red thread comes to mind. It was on a spool and unraveled just a bit. But I honor this thread. It is added to the tapestry of my life. I won’t ever lose the thread. It may be covered, it may fray, it is part of me.

Third, I am finding strength in sharing. In trying to help myself and other women lose their shame and claim their natural essence and truth. I found a found tremendous support group on Facebook and the stories, while heartbreaking, help me heal. That community has been a powerful outlet for me, and I am grateful to have found others who are going through similar experiences in their own lives. It has shown me the power and purpose of a connected community.

And finally:

We are all complicated, miraculous humans. If there is anything to take away from my message, that’s it. We are each a miracle. Love to everyone. Hug on another miracle today. ❤️

If you find you can relate, and you want to work your way through your own experience, you have a resource in me. And you have your own truth to honor and celebrate. We are here to experience it all.