Community

First give them roots and then give them wings

turn the empty nest into a place of opportunities, growth and fun, make your kids feel proud of you
Elisabeth Villiger Toufexis

Elisabeth Villiger Toufexis

4 Min Read

I consider myself quite a captivating individual. I have travelled all over the world as a tour guide, I speak 6 languages, and as an interpreter I have even had the chance to translate for two heads of States so far. As a life coach I help people get rid of negative emotions and phobias, evolve and reach great goals and as an author I help people heal their soul.

However, all the before mentioned and important sounding activities are dwarfed by the one job that I have liked more than anything in this world: being a mother and bringing up two beautiful children. Unfortunately, my time is up and my babies have left the nest. Where have the years gone?

I found this transition in my life quite challenging, every time I even thought of saying good-bye I wanted to start crying. I have to admit that I shed tears easily. I cried when my kids took part in a school play, when they left primary school, or at every other occasion that touched my heart because I just love them so much, and I am always so proud of them.

You may think that – as a life coach – I should have more control over myself, but I am also a human being with emotions. However, I do have a higher awareness of the power of my thoughts, and I have learned many techniques how to release negativity and change direction. Instead of going down a dark road, I distract myself. I know that when I dwell on negative emotions, my body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which weaken my immune system, can activate cancer cells or causes premature ageing.

I totally agree that there are different ways to handle situations but here are some tips to cope with the so-called empty nest syndrome:

  • Keep busy, take up a new hobby, learn a new language, restart a career, help others, meet friends, travel, do all the things that you didn’t have time for. Have fun!
  • Keep a gratitude journal and write down all the things you are grateful for every day. Be proud of yourself that you have raised a child or children who are capable of going out into the world and that they are thriving on their own. Give yourself a pat on the back.
  • Keep fit, you want to be able to run around with those grandchildren to come. Do yoga, join an exercise class, go for walks and hikes, enjoy nature, cook yourself healthy meals.
  • Trust your children, don’t doubt that they are capable on their own, radiate positive energy. Stay in touch but don’t control them. They have to take their own decisions and learn from mistakes, you cannot protect them forever. Don’t burden them with your sense of loss. Always picture them in a bubble of white light and imagine that they are safe.
  • Look forward to what is about to come, you have more time for your partner, much less shopping and cooking, no overflowing laundry basket because they change T-Shirt three times a day, the house may be quiet but it’ll also be more tidy.

If you are having a difficult time dealing with an empty nest, lean on loved ones. Share your emotions. Write down how you feel, sometimes it helps to put things on paper and get them off your chest. Learn to relax with mindfulness meditation.  If you feel depressed, get in touch with a doctor, psychologist or a life coach like me and always know, that even the most trained minds come across a dark cloud, it is important to know how to blow it away and let the sun come out again.

Author(s)

  • Elisabeth Villiger Toufexis

    Life Coach, NLP Practitioner, Author, Motivational Speaker

    I am the author of the book “The Soul Kit” and a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Motivational Speaker. My life purpose is to add value to people’s lives and brighten the path of those who are a little lost in the dark.  I am originally from Switzerland but live in Cyprus with my husband, and we have two grown up children. I speak 6 languages and also work as an interpreter. I found out very early in life that if we want to achieve something, we have to take action and not wait for someone else to do it for us. Life doesn't happen to us, we make it happen. I had a bit of a tough beginning, my mother was 16 years old when she gave birth to me and wanted to give me up for adoption, my grandfather insisted to take me home and I grew up with my grandparents but unfortunately when I was 10 years old, my grandfather died. I felt a lot of insecurity and shame and spent many years feeling quite lost and worth less than others but was determined to achieve something in my life. When I started understanding that we are in charge of our life and that it’s entirely up to us how we want to create it and that we must never allow our past to define our future, I started creating a wonderful life for myself. As a young woman, I worked as a tour guide in many different countries all over the world and learned about other cultures and mentalities, I learned that even though we may look different and speak different languages, we are all the same, with the same needs, wishes and dreams, and that we all have the need for safety and happiness. I have travelled to over a hundred countries, and I love to get to know people, appreciating similarities and respecting differences while bringing out the best in each other.