We’re bombarded with all manner of conflicting information and ideals about forgiveness. As a healer I spend a vast amount of time in sessions with clients working on forgiveness.
There is a common misunderstanding about forgiveness which I believe is the reason so many find it hard to practice. The only reason to forgive is because it brings you peace and balance throughout your physical and mental self.
When you forgive someone, no matter how badly you feel they treated you or made you feel it does not mean you condone what they did. It does not diminish the hurt, anguish or sorrow they caused you. It does not make what they did right and somehow make your reaction wrong.
It simply brings you peace. I feel you could almost say the opposite of peace is resentment. Your mind, body and soul are worthy and deserving of peace and harmony. If you are not practising forgiveness then it’s most likely you are practising resentment, hurt, fear, rejection, anger or worst of all GUILT.
We are beings of light and energy encased in a body and soul vibrating out into the Universe. It has been widely accepted for some time now that energy is everything and we attract whatever matches our vibration. Guilt carries the lowest vibration. Love is the highest.
Consider this now. If you are giving off the lowest vibrations you don’t stand a chance of being happy, secure, successful or any of the other gorgeous emotions you are yearning to experience.
Cling on to all that angers and hurts you to “show them” and you merely put up giant barriers around yourself and allow more of everything you don’t want to come flooding in like a Tsunami of “bad luck”.
That person who you can’t-won’t-forgive has most likely forgotten what they did to you. I’ll wager you in many circumstances they’re not even aware that you are not forgiving them. Why? The simple, brutal truth is that they just don’t care about you. If they don’t care about you then literally the only person suffering is you. What’s the point of that?
Try this as an experiment. Think about that person who you feel caused you the most pain and sadness. The person who caused you to be scared, humiliated. That person who you know you “should” forgive but can’t. They don’t deserve it. What did they do to you? Do you remember? Recall it in detail. Exactly as they made you feel. Can you feel that knot in your stomach? The tightening in your chest? The way it suddenly feels hard to swallow; to breathe? How do you feel? Would you like to feel like this all the time?
BOOM! Quick change!
Now think about someone you love and trust. Think about a memory you have about them. Live that. Remember how you felt, what you said, where you were. Are you smiling? Do you feel good? That’s a great feeling, isn’t it? Being back in that moment, feeling that joy flood your entire being. Feel the peace slowly filling you from the inside. Feel how your breathing has slowed down. That knot in your stomach has gone, hasn’t it?
Would you like to feel like this all the time? You deserve to feel like this. There is nothing you have done, thought or said that means you deserve to feel less than this calm, this happy, this relaxed all the time. How do you get to feel like this all the time?
It starts with forgiveness. When you forgive, when you release the anger, hurt, sadness, whatever THAT is for you then you allow peace and joy to come in.
Do you know we store emotions in our bodies? Our cells, organs, energy? Did you know we store emotions and memories in our ancestral line- even in our DNA? Those negative painful emotions and memories impact every aspect of your life.
You forgive not because anyone else deserves to be forgiven but because YOU deserve to live with peace and harmony in your life. You don’t need to let anyone take that away from you.
A simple, beautiful tool to help you with this is the Hawaiian prayer- Ho oponopono.
“I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you”
Think about the person or situation you want to feel peace around. Call them into your mind and hold it. Now just repeat this mantra until you no longer feel the anger,sadness. Remember to include yourself.
Still struggling? Still believe something is “unforgivable”? Find ‘The Railway Man’ starring Colin Firth. A true story of a man who not only forgave the Japanese soldier who tortured him daily for months but became his best friend.
Whatever it is, let it go. You are worth it.