From Perfectionism to Peace: How Dr. Susan Landers Found Balance Between Career and Motherhood

In today’s fast-paced world, the pursuit of success often comes at the expense of our personal well-being, especially for high-achieving women juggling demanding careers and family life. Few understand this struggle better than Dr. Susan Landers, a seasoned neonatologist, author, and mother of three. With decades of experience caring for the most vulnerable patients in neonatal intensive care units (NICUs), Dr. Landers brings a unique blend of medical expertise and heartfelt honesty to the conversation around perfectionism, workaholism, and the myth of “doing it all.” In her widely praised memoir So Many Babies, she shares powerful stories from her career alongside the raw realities of parenting and the emotional toll of striving to be perfect in every role.

In this enlightening and deeply personal interview, Dr. Landers opens up about the lessons she’s learned from a lifetime of pushing herself too hard and the journey she took to reclaim balance, presence, and self-compassion. Speaking with Stacey Chillemi, she offers not just a look back at her remarkable career, but practical strategies and encouragement for women who find themselves caught between ambition and burnout. Whether you’re a working mom, a recovering perfectionist, or simply someone in need of a reminder that “good enough” truly is, Dr. Landers’ story is both empowering and refreshingly real.

Thank you so much for joining us, Susan! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?
Absolutely. I’m a retired neonatologist, which means I spent over three decades caring for the tiniest, most fragile patients—premature and critically ill newborns—in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). It was deeply fulfilling but incredibly demanding work. Alongside that, I was raising three children with my husband, who is also a pediatrician. Balancing that high-pressure medical career with motherhood was no small feat. Over time, I realized that I was falling into patterns of perfectionism and workaholism that were taking a toll on my personal life, which ultimately led me down a path of reflection, healing, and advocacy for other working moms.

What inspired you to write your memoir, So Many Babies?
After I retired, I realized how much I missed the personal stories—the tiny victories and big challenges in the NICU. I had cared for so many inspiring families, and I wanted to capture those experiences. Writing the memoir gave me a way to reflect not just on my medical career, but on my life as a working mother trying to do everything perfectly. I wanted the book to be both a tribute to those families and an honest account of what it’s like to be a woman trying to balance a demanding job and family life.

You’ve described yourself as a former workaholic. How did you realize that about yourself?
It really became clear to me in my 40s. I was going through some midlife transitions and started feeling this deep guilt about not being present enough at home. I would find myself constantly thinking about work, even when I was spending time with my kids. I noticed I couldn’t unplug, couldn’t stop pushing myself. That was the turning point—realizing that I was prioritizing my job over my family and even my own well-being. I had to ask myself: why am I doing this, and at what cost?

What were the signs that you were working too much?
There were so many. I would lose sleep over unfinished tasks, obsess about work problems during dinner with my family, and say yes to every new project—even when I was already overwhelmed. I also noticed that I was using work as a form of escape from the chaos at home. It was easier sometimes to be in control in the NICU than face the uncertainty of parenting. That’s a red flag. When you’re avoiding your personal life through your professional one, something’s out of balance.

Why do you think so many professional women fall into workaholism?
We are conditioned to believe that we have to do it all—and do it all perfectly. Be the perfect mom, the perfect partner, the top performer at work. There’s this pressure to prove ourselves in every arena. For many of us, especially if we didn’t get the emotional attention we needed growing up, achievement becomes our way of feeling worthy. And that drive, while it can fuel success, can also lead us to overextend ourselves to the point of burnout.

How did you start to shift out of that mindset?
Slowly and intentionally. I discovered tools like the Eisenhower Matrix, which helped me differentiate between what was truly urgent and important versus what I could delegate or delay. I started breaking down my to-do list into smaller tasks so I could feel a sense of accomplishment without overwhelming myself. I also started practicing saying “no”—which was incredibly hard at first—but absolutely necessary. I had to remind myself, “No is a complete sentence.” That sticky note stayed on my computer for years.

That’s such an important lesson. Why is saying “no” so hard for high-achievers?
Because we’re people-pleasers. We don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially if we admire them. Saying “yes” feels like being a team player, being dependable. But what we don’t realize is that constantly saying yes erodes our energy and pulls us away from what truly matters. Learning to say no is about reclaiming your time, your values, your priorities.

You mentioned the concept of “Susan time.” Can you explain that?
(Laughs) Yes, that’s a family joke. I tend to underestimate how long things will take. I’ll say I’ll be gone for an hour and come back in two. My husband coined it “Susan time.” But it wasn’t just errands—it was my whole mindset. At work, I’d allocate ten hours for a project that actually needed fifteen. I think a lot of high-achieving women do this. We think we can fit more into a day than is realistically possible. Recognizing that helped me reset my expectations.

How did perfectionism show up in your personal life?
It was everywhere. I tried to be the ideal mom—worried about everything from sibling rivalry to school issues to teenage angst. I even worried about whether I was giving each child enough individual attention. It’s funny now, but back then it was exhausting. I wanted to “do motherhood” perfectly. But parenting doesn’t come with a grade. Eventually, I realized that being a “good enough” mom was more than enough. That shift brought so much peace.

Do you consider yourself a recovering perfectionist?
Yes, absolutely. I still have perfectionist tendencies, especially when I’m writing. I want every word to be just right. But now, if a newsletter draft isn’t perfect, I still hit publish. I remind myself that being real, emotional, and relatable matters more than being flawless. Perfectionism used to drive me; now, I’m learning to let go of it.

What role does rest play in breaking free from workaholism?
Rest is essential, but it took me a long time to understand that. I used to see rest as wasted time. But now I know that rest is restorative. Even a short break—a rocking chair moment, a walk outside, or lunch with a friend—can reset your mind. I had to teach myself that rest wasn’t optional; it was necessary. And when I embraced rest, I actually became more productive and much happier.

How did you prioritize self-care while raising a family and working such a demanding job?
My husband and I joined a gym that had child care, which was a game-changer. It forced us to leave work early a few times a week and spend that time on our health. I also tried to build rest into my workday—little breaks here and there. I wasn’t great at meditation or journaling, but I learned to find moments to just pause. That, combined with small boundaries, helped me reclaim my life.

What do you say to mothers who feel they’re failing at everything?
You’re not failing. You’re human. This idea that we’re supposed to do everything flawlessly is a lie. Being tired, overwhelmed, or unsure doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re trying. You can’t be everything to everyone. But you can be present. You can love deeply. You can forgive yourself. That’s more than enough.

Can you tell us more about your book, So Many Babies?
So Many Babies is both a love letter to the NICU and a vulnerable look at my journey as a working mom. I chose stories that reflect the highs and lows of neonatal care—the heartbreaking cases, the miraculous recoveries, the strength of the families. It’s not just for doctors or parents of preemies. It’s for anyone who’s tried to balance passion with responsibility, ambition with family. And I made sure to include all the messy “mom stuff” too—because I wanted people to know they’re not alone.

Who should read this book?
Working moms, absolutely. But also nurses, healthcare providers, and anyone who’s ever wondered what goes on in the NICU. If you’ve ever felt torn between your career and your family, this book will speak to you. I’ve had moms say, “I can’t believe you went through the same things I’m struggling with.” And I always tell them—yes, I did. We all do.

What are some resources you offer for parents on your website?
At susanlandersmd.com, I share blog posts on parenting, maternal health, breastfeeding, and burnout. I’ve created free resources like a burnout self-assessment checklist and an eBook called Defeating Burnout. I also write a weekly Substack newsletter, Moms Matter, where I talk candidly about parenting, work-life balance, and mental health. Everything I put out there is designed to support and reassure moms that they’re doing okay.

Do you miss your work as a neonatologist?
Yes, I really do. It was incredibly meaningful work. But this new chapter—writing, mentoring, speaking to moms—it’s deeply fulfilling in a different way. I still feel like I’m contributing, just on a broader, more personal level. I’m helping people feel seen and heard. That’s a gift.

What message would you like to leave our readers with today?
If you identify as a workaholic or a perfectionist, know that you’re not alone—and there’s a way through it. You don’t have to be perfect to be impactful. You don’t have to do everything to be enough. Boundaries, rest, and a little self-compassion go a long way. And yes, you absolutely can find balance between your work life and home life. It takes intention, but it is completely doable.

How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can visit susanlandersmd.com for blogs, resources, and parenting tools. You can also subscribe to my Substack newsletter, Moms Matter. I’m active on Instagram and LinkedIn, and of course, my book So Many Babies is available online. I love connecting with readers and other parents—it’s a joy to keep these conversations going.

Susan, Thank you so much for being here today and sharing such a deeply honest and uplifting conversation.

Thank you! It’s been such a pleasure. I’m grateful for the chance to talk about these topics that matter so much, especially to working moms. Let’s keep showing each other grace—and maybe even a little rest.