What if the best life advice came in the form of a single, unforgettable statement?
That’s the magic of Gretchen Rubin’s latest book, Secrets of Adulthood. It’s filled with bold, powerful truths that stick with you—and make you think twice about how you move through the world.
Gretchen’s New York Times bestselling books—including The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and The Four Tendencies—have helped millions create habits that stick, understand their tendencies, and savor life’s everyday joys. She’s been interviewed by Oprah, walked arm-in-arm with the Dalai Lama, eaten dinner with Nobel Prize–winner Daniel Kahneman, and even been an answer on Jeopardy! And her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin, is a go-to for practical tips and joyful living.
What I admire most is her ability to take deep, sometimes abstract ideas and translate them into real-life tools. In our conversation, we explored everything from how tuning into our senses can deepen gratitude to the kinds of short, sticky phrases that shape how we show up each day.
For the full interview, listen to our Evolving with Gratitude podcast episode. Also available on your favorite podcast platform.
Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives
Secrets of Adulthood is full of aphorisms—short, bold insights from Gretchen that hit you like a bolt of clarity. Whether it’s procrastination, relationships, creativity, or the pursuit of happiness, she distills life’s complexities using few words that are easy to remember and surprisingly hard to forget.
One that really resonated? “Perfectionism is driven not by high standards but by anxiety.” I felt that in my bones—sometimes, striving for perfection isn’t about excellence; it’s about fear of judgment.
Another one that got me thinking: “What can be done at any time is often done at no time.” How often do we delay expressing gratitude because it feels like we can always do it later? Spoiler: later doesn’t always come.
And this one made me laugh (and squirm): “Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.” Yes! It’s so easy to hide behind being “busy” while avoiding the task that really matters.
Another one of my favorites speaks to the profound power of service: “Nothing takes us out of ourselves more than being of use.” When we show up for others, we often find a kind of grounding and clarity we can’t get any other way.
Gretchen also encourages us to reflect and write down our own aphorisms. “A lot of us have these,” she said. “And it’s very satisfying to write them down and have a repository for them.” In Secrets of Adulthood, she includes space for readers to capture their own wisdom.
It’s a beautiful reminder that we don’t just learn from others—we have wisdom of our own, earned through experience, reflection, and living fully.
Understanding Ourselves (and Others) with the Four Tendencies
If you’ve ever wondered why some people thrive with structure and others shut down at the first sign of a to-do list, Gretchen’s Four Tendencies framework will feel like a lightbulb moment.
- Upholders meet both outer and inner expectations—“Discipline is my freedom”
- Questioners question everything—“I’ll comply—if you convince me why”
- Obligers need external accountability—“You can count on me; and I’m counting on you to count on me”
- Rebels resist expectations—“You can’t make me, and neither can I”
Understanding someone’s Tendency can make working with them a lot easier. For me personally, once I understood that a loved one was a Questioner, it completely changed how I framed things. Less frustration, more connection!
These insights can help us build stronger teams, support others more effectively, and lead with clarity. It’s about knowing what works for you—and honoring what works for others.
Want to find out your Tendency? Take the Four Tendencies quiz.
Gratitude Through the Five Senses
Gretchen shared the surprising moment that sparked her “me-search” to understand her five senses. As she explained, “For me, research is ‘me-search,’ and I always write the book that I need to read.” That personal approach became even more meaningful after what she assumed would be a routine visit to the eye doctor. Instead, she walked out with unexpected news: her extreme nearsightedness puts her at higher risk of losing her vision.
“Everything suddenly felt so vivid,” she told me. “It made me realize—this is happening all the time. I just stopped paying any attention to it.” That moment flipped a switch. Suddenly, the noise of New York, the lights, the wind, the textures—everything felt electric. And just like that, her journey to reconnect with her senses began.
Gretchen’s story reminded me of a practice I often share—counterfactual thinking—where we imagine life without something we value deeply. That kind of reflection can amplify our gratitude. And Gretchen’s book Life in Five Senses invites us all to slow down, tune in, and reconnect with the sensory experiences we often overlook.
Want to know which sense you’re neglecting? Gretchen has a quiz for that! Her own neglected sense was taste. She shared, “ I did all these things to deepen my enjoyment and appreciation for my sense of taste. It added so much to my life.”
Your Life, Your Wings
A memorable truth in all of Gretchen’s work is this: “There is no one right way to make your life happier, healthier, more productive, more creative.”
And as Gretchen so perfectly put it in Secrets of Adulthood: “The bird, the bee, and the bat all fly, but they use different kinds of wings.”
There’s power in knowing your wings—and flying your way.
So take a moment. Reflect on what’s working for you—and what’s not. Explore Gretchen’s aphorisms in Secrets of Adulthood for insights that will inspire and empower you. Then write your own aphorisms. Let them guide you, ground you, or give you the nudge you need to keep going.
With gratitude,
Lainie
Photo Credit: Amy Wolf
Connect with and Learn from Gretchen Rubin:
- GretchenRubin.com – Explore articles, resources, and free quizzes, including the Four Tendencies and Neglected Sense quizzes.
- Secrets of Adulthood – Her latest book filled with simple truths for our complex lives.
- Happier with Gretchen Rubin – Weekly podcast with practical tips and joyful ideas, co-hosted with her sister.
- Instagram | LinkedIn | X (Twitter) – Follow her for insights, updates, and inspiration.
