Ever since I was a young girl, I have always known that I was destined for greatness years ahead. Despite the fact that I was extremely shy, soft-spoken, and was afraid to initiate any kind of conversation, I still knew that I was meant to teach and impact millions of people in this lifetime. I wasn’t sure how, but that has never stopped me. As I write this, I can say that I am extremely proud of the woman that I am becoming. I am strong, intelligent, funny, determined, and a connect well with others. My shyness didn’t last too long. For many years, I have gone through circumstances in life that I did not know how to handle. Instead of turning to anybody and expressing how I felt, I swallowed it and let it linger on for years. I then started to drink excessively to avoid any pain and would always find myself sad the next day after sobering up. For years, I would sit in deep thoughts for hours as I felt sorry for myself and would sob for hours because I felt all alone with nobody to express my thoughts to. After a few years of this low vibrational life, I remember waking up on a Monday morning and hearing a loud voice in my head. It said “You are not her yet, keep fighting!” For the first time in years, my soul lit up and I actually had energy to start my day. All day long, I knew that was my higher self was speaking to me and I was going to listen to everything it had to say. Before this moment of awakening, I woke up every morning with knots in my stomach, and a heavy heart. Depression hit hard and I just wanted to sleep all of the time to not deal with the pain. Life seemed pointless and I was extremely bored with it. My mind was constantly racing with negative thoughts and I soon distanced myself from others because I felt a lot more comfortable in my own misery. I knew deep down inside that life was not meant to be lived this way. Although I knew that prayer was the answer, I still didn’t do it, and instead turned to alcohol.

That day after hearing the loud voice in my head, I fell to my knees, cried, and prayed to God. I remember saying “God, what has happened to me? Who am I?” After a few minutes, I decided to look up on the computer how to have a positive mindset. I was so fed up with my misery and knew that I had to change the way that I was living. One of the action items that the article suggested was to start a gratitude journal and write in it twice a day. Once in the morning and in the evening. I did just that and my mindset immediately shifted. I started to feel happier and quickly realized that my life wasn’t so bad. Each day, I started praying and thanking God for all that I had. I also started to meditate in the morning and this also helped me feel a lot better. Within two weeks of doing this, I actually started waking up ecstatic as I started each morning by praying, mediating, and writing in my gratitude journal. Life all of a sudden seemed interesting and not so boring anymore. I began to smile for no reason, say hi to others first, and began to add value in their lives. I wasn’t sure who I was becoming, but I actually started to like her! The new Christina was the woman I had always imagined being.

After a month of consistent prayer, meditation, and journaling, it was now time to start healing my open wounds that I had been bandaging with alcohol for so many years. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was open to healing. The more I wrote in my journal every day, the more I realized that I had used my soul as a storage space for my feelings. All of the memories that were unhealed had been released as I cried for one week. I literally felt as if I was washing away all of this negativity. It has been one of the hardest yet rewarding things to do in life. I faced my wounds and myself and the flaws that I had to work on. This was difficult because I always walked around very sensitive to criticism. However, I cried it all out, became stronger and knew that I had to move forward with my head held high. There was no way that I was going to travel backwards. I had written out a contract to myself to that I would from now on express my emotions to others and myself, work on personal development, and develop a positive mindset. I also promised myself that I would never let myself end up in a black, empty hole that I worked so hard to climb out of. Three years later, I am still on the right track and more committed to my growth than ever before. I have reached a place in life where I am extremely happy every day, give value to others, and consistently working on becoming the best version of myself every moment. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t do something to contribute to my growth. Every day is a chance to become better and I take full advantage of that.

After this experience, I started doing some more soul searching and realized that our own thoughts create our reality. The more I thought about being depressed and lonely, the more I felt that way. My mind was contributing to this and I didn’t even realize it. This is when I started studying the mind more and the importance of reconditioning it. I was never taught this and many of my thoughts were deeply rooted from my childhood experiences. I didn’t have the best childhood but I also didn’t have the worst one either. I picked up a lot of negativity along the way and let it become embedded into my subconscious mind. My negative thoughts started to reflect through my words, body language, and energy. I became obsessed with the realization of creating my own reality and realized that I wanted to be a woman with a magnetic personality and irresistible energy. I started visualizing this new me every night before I went to bed. When I interacted with others, I acted very compassionate, empathetic and always made sure I always added value to the other person’s life. After doing this for a few months, I started to attract people and opportunities that I have always wanted. I knew I was on the right track when I started to get complimented on my personality and how much of a great listener I was. This only motivated me to become better and teach others how to be the same.

As I write this, I have consistently questioned why some people are stuck in depression for many years and while others are able to overcome it and live their lives being fulfilled. I concluded one answer. Mindset. Yes, that’s right, it is our mindset that concludes which way our lives will lead to next. Isn’t it amazing how something that we already possess can change our lives? It isn’t our money, our spouse, our friends, or family-it is simply the MINDSET! So the next question is, how? The first and most important thing is taking ownership that one is depressed, empty, lonely, etc. Once you admit these things, it is easier to heal them. During this healing process, this is the most difficult step because we always want to think that nothing is wrong with us. It is hard to face the truth and even harder to heal it. Once we take ownership, this is when the healing process starts. We can do this by writing out all of our feelings, crying about what makes us sad, then letting it go! Visualizing that we are burning the problems from the past and make a promise that the past is no longer going to affect us anymore. Once we tell this to ourselves every day our subconscious believes it and makes it happen. One of the key elements to both of these steps is actually letting all of the buried emotions out. The longer that they are kept in, the longer it will contribute to the depression, emptiness, and loneliness. I honestly did not want to experience this either. Once I did, I felt like a better woman. This was all part of healing and I went through it. I can sit here and say that it was one of the most difficult moments in my life, yet one of the most rewarding also. It has changed my life for the better.

Speaking from experience, as we become older and wiser, we also become more aware. Aware of what other are truly saying without saying it, aware of our words and habits, and aware of our passions and what makes us happy. If you aren’t aware of any of this, that is perfectly ok. It all takes time and dedication. We also need to always immerse ourselves in environments and knowledge that will help us elevate in life. This includes surrounding ourselves with others that are passionate about growing, and reading books that speak on different subjects on growth. This is how it all starts. The most important step in all of this is actually starting and staying consistent. This makes a huge difference. Once we are able to do this for at least 30 days, it becomes part of our daily routine.

I often imagine myself talking to my inner child and remembering how much pain she was in and how she carried a lot of the wounds over to her adult life without ever healing. This inner child lacked confidence, love, a hearing ear, and a shoulder to cry on. Instead, she held on to these emotions deep within her soul and let them burst out years later. Instead of channeling them towards great energy, I channeled them in a way to never deal with them by numbing myself with alcohol. Do I regret this? Absolutely not! It has helped shaped me into the woman I am today and the woman that I am becoming.

Now, I know that there are many women like myself who are going through the same thing and not sure what to do. You may be asking, where do I even start and how? One of the biggest lessons that I have learned is not to dwell so much on what to do but to actually start taking action on healing yourself first. Will it be easy? No way? Worth it? Of course. Imagine yourself a few years from now as a strong, phenomenal woman that no longer let’s wounds and pain from the past hold her back. Start today-but most importantly start where it feels most uncomfortable. Open up the wounds with all of the bandages on and start taking action to heal any part of you that does not align with your higher self. You can do it! I believe in you!