Well its been a one week since I put pen to paper and what a week it’s been!
Not in a good way either. A week of sleep deprivation for one reason or another. In fact Tuesday evening was the only night when I slept the whole way through without needing the loo or some item in my apartment crashing down and scaring the life out of me at silly o’clock in the morning.
Coupled with mishaps and an argument with a cab driver which took me a few days to get over after my mum and brother taking the perspective of everyone but myself – or so that’s how it seemed at the time.
Knowing you have messed up and then being told you have by the people you love and trust the most leaves you with a disappointing feeling in yourself. Especially disappointing when you know how hard you have been working on being a good person, a good Christian.. If my own mother and brother are telling me I should not have shouted and was wrong to do so then the whole world would have judged me too.
You see when I am sleep deprived and under pressure, in the sense that I am visiting my dad and my brother is with me, and upon leaving the lift is stuck, to get out of the building we need a member of staff, but we can’t find one. The cab driver is peeping his horn (which is a massive trigger) coupled with a call I made to ask him to be patient and he bites back.
I then call up the taxi office to explain what’s happening and the operator in return starts telling me off for not telling them that we would be delayed!
So last week was a week of taking 10 steps back. Even the show was challenging, normally I totally get lost in the creative aspect of creating content and sharing it on The Health and Wellbeing Show. But this week, I dreamed that I had missed the show due to being late the night before.
And guess what? When I turned up at the train station, there were train delays. Long story short I arrived with 5 minutes to spare, after tipping the cab driver £8 – yes £8 because he was huffing and puffing at the short taxi ride.
Sleep deprivation affects every part of our lives, most of the time it’s our mental health which spills into ever other part of our being, causing us to react and respond in ways we wouldn’t normally. Your mind being heavily weighed by the going on’s in life are not helpful.
I would like to say here are some tips but really it’s down to you as an individual. For me it was a case of pushing through the disappointment and guilt. Praying really helped me as it allowed me to say what I wanted too, which brought release and relief.
The one thing that really helped me to move forward was some words written in The Word of Today by UCB. Where a list of important people in Christian history were described as normal people, normal people who made mistakes all the time!
It’s not my relationship with God or my faith that puts me under pressure, it’s the constant judgement and expectations of society – which includes family and friends sometimes. Whether it’s intended to come across this way or not.
My faith says ‘it’s OK child, it’s OK, forgive and move forwards.’
People say: “tut tut, you did again..” Sometimes it bothers me and other times it’s like water off a ducks back.
I have noticed that when I am in a .. as my friend puts it.. ‘armadillo shell’ mode (meaning I am coated with a tough exterior to protect me from the wraths of society.) That I am usually more relaxed.
I have had to find my way to figure out what relaxes me, what works for some doesn’t for others, just depends where your energy comes from, being around others or being by yourself, or a mixture?
Being around the right people helps when you are sleep deprived, people who uplift you, who consistently work on their energy – those individuals are normally very centred.
Eating foods that give you natural energy rather then false sugar, the natural sugar keeps you going for a lot longer, and the come down isn’t vile.
Candles and essential oils are key before bed, lavender usually soothes me. For health benefits click here https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265922.php
Journaling also helps.
When you do come across the disappointing moments of when you behaved as you wouldn’t under such circumstances knowing you have things you can do to help, really does help, emotionally and mentally. So does a dash of grace, on yourself!