Last weekend, I married by partner of over 6 years. We’ve moved states together, he pushed me to start my business, and we’ve handled our share of life experiences. As I got back in the office from our wedding and mini-moon, I took some time to reflect on partnership. Not to sound like a broken record, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve shared with my clients time and time again is that a great career is like a great relationship.
What exactly do I mean by that? Here are the 8 lessons that hold true for both your career, AND your significant other.
1) Choose Deliberately – Both in careers and in personal relationships, it’s important to know what you’re looking for. Each partnership should start by considering what you love in that person or job, and how it matches up with your expectations. Start writing out what exactly those expectations are: what works for you, and what doesn’t. If you take stock of what you’re looking for, you’re less likely to end up in the sticky trap of “falling into” something that isn’t right. If you know what you want, you can more effectively trust your gut and take your own advice.
2) Work Side-By-Side, Yet Independently – One of the readings at our wedding was this lovely piece by James Dillet Freeman. It sums up so perfectly my feelings on both types of partnerships:
“May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.“
I’ve seen many romantic relationships and careers that were built on dependence. Employees being scared to ask for what they want because they’re worried about what the response might be… The best thing you can do as an employer and and employee is to put out there what you’re looking for, give the partner the opportunity to provide it, and if they can’t, decide whether you want to move on. This holds for both types of relationships! It’s all about mutual respect
3) Develop Other Passions – In that same vein, be sure that you are spending your time balanced between your many priorities. You know that one friend who gets into a new relationship and abandons everyone else in her life? Don’t be that girl; not with your partner, and not with your career. Becoming a workaholic is just as exhausting for those around you.
4) Communicate, Communicate, Communicate – Communication is touted by so many experts as the key to relationships, and I couldn’t agree more. You don’t know until you ask, and part of your job as an employee is to have an open dialogue with your manager about what’s working and what isn’t. Instead of having a blow-out with your manager or walking away from a job, if you instead process concerns like poor work boundaries as they arise, you’ll be much more effective (and save yourself some heartache in the end). The same can be said about asking your S.O. to do the dishes.
5) Assume Positive Intent – When you’re having those wonderful, candid conversations, you must always assume positive intent. What I mean is this: 99% of the time, nobody is out to get you. The truth is, people are often so wrapped up in their own world that they don’t realize what is going on with you or how their words or actions may be hurting you. If you consider positive intent in your manager’s or peer’s statements, you’ll be able to focus on what really matters.
6) Stay as Excited as on Day 1 – This advice comes up often in relationships, with people saying things like, “never stop taking your partner out on dates”. While I’m not saying you need to do the exact same work as your first day on the job, I am saying you should live with the same passion and excitement. Remember how pumped you were on that first project? If you’re not feeling like that over time, consider taking on new tasks or roles within the team to keep your own spark alive. It’s not about grand gestures – careers are like a marathon and it’s your job to keep innovating to stay inspired.
7) Always Be Growing – Continually evolve, and surround yourself with others who do the same. The best thing you can do for your life and for your career is to use diffusion to your advantage. If everyone around you pushes you to be the best version of yourself (and they, in turn, do the same), you’ll make huge strides. Just remember, you’re not responsible for fixing team mates or significant others…you both should just be growing alongside each other.
8) Learn from Negative Experiences – Most importantly, use each transition as a time to grow. Whether you’re leaving a role that isn’t the right fit, or leaving a lame relationship, reflect on what you can learn from the situation. What has it taught you about what you’re looking for, and what you won’t allow in your life? Always focus on the upside.
Have you seen ways that your relationships mirror each other? Share your advice below, and follow me on social to join in on the conversation.