The immediacy and relevancy of the vast amount of information coming at us now has made desk chair activists out of many of us. We feel a need to do something. So we often protest things by detailing what’s wrong, and what’s not working, and what should be different.

Gripe-forwarding has become a daily pastime. Why is it not effective? Because it’s not possible to benefit ourselves or anyone else by making anyone or anything wrong.

We can’t be of assistance to anyone if we’re struggling against anything. So if something has the power to upset us, we can’t help.

We care about making life better for others. But pressuring anyone to come where we are, and to believe as we believe, won’t work. And if we’re convinced that things have gone wrong, a broken world is all we’ll be able to see. And we’ll say, “See, I told you so.”

When we see people having problems, something in us naturally longs to help them find answers. But focusing on their problems, or what we perceive to be a weakness in them or the system, can’t bring resolution because discussing the details of their pain keeps the pain alive and active. We can’t just hand people an answer either, because people don’t hear the answer to a question they didn’t ask.

The more we talk about problems, the worse we feel. And joining people in their misery won’t work, because it means that we step away from the élan vital of the solution. And then, we’re both stuck at the level of the problem, and solutions can’t show up.

So the first step in helping people is to accept them exactly where they are, without wishing they would be different and without needing to change them, or influence them, or teach them anything.

Creating positive change requires a disciplined mind that can attract positive conditions by focusing on them, without distraction or doubt. It means first acknowledging that no one and nothing is broken, and that we don’t need to fix people or the world. And from that perspective, we can begin to offer value.

The way that we can help people is to cause them to remember their innate worth. Then their answers will begin to appear naturally. As people acknowledge their value and experience self-worth, they automatically and naturally tap into the constant forward-flow of energy in this universe that moves toward solutions.

And how do we inspire people to a feeling of worthiness? We can’t just give it to them, because it’s not possible to be someone else’s source of worth, or happiness, or faith in self. But we can use our joy to help ease people out of their pain and into their own joy. And we do that by expressing love, and allowing it to naturally lift all of us.

We help people find a more enjoyable way of living by living it ourselves, as an example. And as we believe the best about ourselves and others, as we expect the best from life, we’ll begin to see it manifest overall.

Creating the life we want requires supporting the worth of all people at all times. That means never again thinking or talking about what’s wrong with our world, or ourselves, or others. Such a metamorphosis requires replacing criticism with respect, judgment with acceptance, and condemnation with appreciation.

If we’ll stop practicing fear, and belief in limitation and hurt, they’ll cease to exist. And it all begins with us. First in our thoughts, then in our actions and relationships.

First perception, then reality.

That’s what it means to be an up-lifter and a contributor. By understanding good use of power, we can make the world a better place. Not through force, but rather through living an inspiring example.

By deliberately choosing to express love instead of fear every moment, we’ll attract people who are doing the same, and we’ll cause a constructive momentum. By making our love unconditional, with all people under all circumstances at all times, we’ll transform our world.

Read more of Grace’s posts at and follow her on Instagram.


  • Grace de Rond

    Author, Blogger, Contributor

    Grace de Rond writes about effective living through focused thought, at and for sites including The Good Men Project and HuffPost. Her inspiration comes from a lifelong study of the mind-body-spirit connection and her coaching and teaching with professionals and families. Her latest book is called Thoughts Worth Thinking on Life, Career, Lovers and Children.