How Do I Stop Sabotaging Myself Dating?

Prefer to see Allana in action instead of reading, watch the video below; otherwise, enjoy her insight underneath the video

Question: “I’m finally taking a leap. I’m going to create an online profile and finally get back out there after spending five years “wishing” for Mrs. Right after a break up that still stings. I am afraid I am going to self-sabotage the whole thing but I still want to try.”

Answer: That is not a question. You totally have my permission to go for it. You have my encouragement. If you’re looking advice on what you just said “…a break up that still stings,” I’m going to encourage you to do the inner work. Otherwise, you’re going to attract the exact same person. The lesson is probably going to be worse than the last one because you didn’t get the lesson last time. That’s how the universe works it starts with a sting, then a slap, and then a 2 x 4 across the head.

I want you to go to the place that you believe is responsible for the last relationship not working. Did you give your power away? Did you doubt yourself? Did you put yourself second and her first, then lose your purpose, your calling? What is it that you do that caused her departure? What is it that you do that caused probably a stream of relationships not working?

When you declare something like, “… I’m afraid I’m going to sabotage it, “you’re probably going to be right about that. So let’s change your language around. Instead of coming from the standpoint that you are afraid of you are going to sabotage, ask yourself: What’s it gonna take for me to succeed? What’s it going to take for me to attract a healthy relationship? What’s it going to take for me to own my worth and attract a quality partner? Those kinds of questions are what are going to take you in the right direction.

One thing I can recommend I have a book, it’s actually a two-book set called, “Scoring a Relationship.” Go to and you can find it. It’s got the inner game and the outer game. I think it will help you a lot.

I have to be honest; you’ve already declared that it still stings. That comment means the wound is still there. This remark means you need to do inner work. If you prefer a therapy model, go for it. I have met a few therapists in my life that I think are quite effective. However, I wouldn’t say a lot. Mainly because you get a greater understanding of what the issue is and you get some tips and tools.

In my opinion, in general, it’s kind of like putting sprinkles on an ice cream cone of crap. Who cares if we have a greater understanding of what’s wrong, it’s still wrong and it’s still not working.

It’s transformation. It’s something different. It is more than just rearranging the furniture and not just having a better attitude. This involves healing to the core.

I was actually out on a date last night with this guy and was talking about the difference created when something shifts to triggering you to just you being aware of it. Then, you can react. We call it the pause. When you’re still wounded and something stings then something else occurs and triggers that sting. You’re not in charge. You’re not in control. You react like a victim. However, when you do the great healing work down to the core, you press pause on the ability to respond and not just react.

This is going to help you succeed when you go online and start to date again. I want you to have that power and that capacity. Another way of saying it is I want you to be a noble badass. I’m amazing at helping you do this.

Don’t set yourself up to sabotage yourself again. That would be so unkind to your sweetheart and soul. You can really handle this and show up like the man that you are. You can show up as a king so you can attract your queen. I would be so privileged and honored to go into that safe sanctuary with you all the way to the core and heal it. I think you’re ready. You’re showing up so show up the same way on the inside. You can have the results on the outside that you desire.

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Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcastblog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.