When I first made the decision to heal, I was not aware of how I had painted myself into the corner of victimhood. Without realizing it, I had identified as a victim my whole life. I lamented over how past traumas were to blame for my present predicaments. Other times, I wore my own pain like a badge of honor. I was a survivor. Within this narrative, also arose self-limiting beliefs. I became the victim. I became the trauma. I pitied myself, instead of loving myself.

Why were bad things happening to me, over and over? How many setbacks can a single person handle in a lifetime? What did I do to deserve this? Why does everyone seem to leave me?

If you’ve experienced similar grievances, then chances are you are living in victimhood. If you believe that things happen to you, not for you, you’re perpetuating the negative cycle.

And the truth is, there is some odd comfort in staying in the victim role. If you’re a victim, you are equipped with a limiting belief system. These self-limiting beliefs enable you to stay small, to not take risks, to stay trapped in a life that you may feel doesn’t belong to you.

Have you ever wanted to run away, start over? Have you ever known you must change your life, but not known how? Have you felt stuck… as if the same bad things keep happening to you?

If this sounds like you, you are most certainly not alone. However, what’s interesting is that by shifting your perspective, and changing the narrative you’re telling yourself, you can easily step out of victimhood and step boldly into the person you want to become.

Of course, a willingness to relinquish the victim role is the first step. The next step is to identify what your self-limiting beliefs are and then consciously reframe those beliefs.

Have no idea what I’m talking about? Here are some examples I hope you can relate to. Start by making a list of all of your negative beliefs. If you don’t know where to start, answer this simple question. Do you feel sorry for yourself? Do you pity your younger self? Why? How so?

Self-limiting beliefs -> New perspective

I am so unbearably lost -> I’m excited to get to know myself. I’m embarking on a new journey. 

I am beyond damaged -> The trauma is a part of my story, but it does not define who I am. 

I am so fucked up -> I’m ready to sit with the discomfort, learn from my own pain, and heal. 

I always get dumped -> Some people are put into my life to teach me something invaluable. 

I will never make it -> If I act in alignment with my highest self, what’s meant for me will arise.

I am constantly failing -> Failures are an inevitable part of growth, a prerequisite to success.

No one loves me -> I will focus on learning how to fall in love with myself. I will date myself! 

I am in a major life rut -> I am at the beginning of a glorious journey, ready for what’s to come. 

Bad things happen to me -> I am committed to practicing compassion, to learning from pain. 

Hopefully this exercise helps you. Once you become aware of what your self-destructive beliefs are, you will see how those beliefs have done one thing: they’ve kept you in victimhood. If you want to change your life and step into your highest self, the work needs to start from within. A willingness to change and then a desire to deliberately and drastically flip your perspective. 

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  • Madeleine Englis

    Creative Executive


    Madeleine is a creative producer, writer and social media consultant.