I will never forget the sharp stabbing feeling in my chest the first day I left my baby daughter at daycare. Having to return back to my corporate day job after being on maternity leave for 9 months created a horrible emotional roller coaster within me.
Firstly, know that I really didn’t like that job. I dreaded every single moment in the office, I would complain about it constantly to my husband. I’ve been doing this corporate job for the last 7 years so why should I quit now?
I felt completely miserable and unfulfilled. After a few months, I got used to leaving my daughter in daycare. Sadly, I have also gotten use to despising my job and it felt like I was a robot going through the motions. I remember whining about it to my husband one evening, my daughter was crying and I was so busy complaining that my husband ignored me, stood up and picked up my baby.
I have become completely engulfed with my negative thoughts and bad attitude towards my job. It was starting to affect my relationship with not only my husband but with my daughter.
Before I could even deal with this, I fell pregnant with my second child. At this point, my daughter was only 6 months old.
I felt grateful for the opportunity of becoming a mother for the second time. There was a bunch of mixed feelings, too. I didn’t know how I would be able to juggle a newborn baby, a 1-year old, a husband and go to work every day doing a job that I had no passion for.
What was also really strange was that I knew I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mother. I knew I wanted to make a change in the world. I enjoyed working. But working towards a company’s goals, giving the best of myself without receiving any appreciation or reward for my contributions, were killing me.
Another 9 months later, and I was on maternity leave with my second baby daughter. I have forgotten about the things that made me tick. There would be weeks that go by where I haven’t done anything nice for myself.
While on maternity leave, I started thinking about the day I will have to leave my two kids at day care and return to work. My anxiousness started rubbing off on my husband. I felt angry towards him for no reason. I wanted to give someone the blame for feeling miserable at work.
Anxiety caused my focus to shift and the days I did have time, I didn’t invest in spending quality time with my family. Instead I moped around feeling sorry for myself. I started missing out on fun moments, laughing and playing with my husband and daughters. I would rather sit on the sofa just watching them.
As fate may have it, while I was still on maternity leave, my job called and I was made redundant. This was a blessing in disguise, the push I needed to finally pursue my dreams.
After a lengthy discussion with my husband, we decided that I could stay home and work towards my vision. I felt empowered and inspired. At last I didn’t have this horrible day job that dragged me down. I could finally start my online business helping and inspiring people from different walks of life.
As a couple we decided that we would enroll both our children in daycare, while I was working from home. And it made all the change. Finally, I started feeling happy again. During the day I was working hard towards my own dreams. I couldn’t wait for my husband and my children to come home.
My change in atmosphere and career made me feel like I was worth something again. I had the energy to invest in my family. I could even tell that my husband found me attractive and alluring again.
Being a mother doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your identity and passions. It doesn’t mean your life is over and you can’t pursue dreams you’ve wanted to pursue your whole life. You can do whatever you want, you can still count on daycare for assistance and your relationships don’t have to suffer from your own unhappiness.
Make your own change to discover happiness again and you will be surprised on the effect it has on everybody around you.
By Kimmie Wong
Success Coach and Business Strategist for Online Entrepreneurs