What is this season teaching you? I’ve been reflecting on this question a lot recently because, somehow, when I was paying attention to all the other things, my chronic illness and symptoms have flared. The me five years ago would have felt angry, defeated, and like a victim. While I certainly don’t feel like my symptoms are ideal at the moment, I’m choosing to view it from a different perspective.
You might be wondering how I’m feeling physically—what my symptoms are? Because, on all outside appearances, I look completely fine. If I put effort into getting ready for the day by putting on a cute outfit and doing my hair and my make-up I look better than fine. In fact, I’d wager that I look like I’m thriving. I believe that’s in part because I’ve honestly never been better mentally or spiritually and I’ve been working on loving my most authentic self and loving on her. So on some level, I know that shines through. But also, there is a reason why chronic illness, with autoimmune diseases especially, they’re called “invisible.”
When it comes to chronic illness, you reach a point where, if you can, you just have to push through. Life doesn’t stop, routines don’t change because you’re having a bad day, a bad week…let alone a bad month or year… So you push through. What else can you do? You have responsibilities, a job, a family, dreams—and they don’t pause just because you don’t feel one hundred percent.
Back to the question at hand; what are my symptoms? I’ve been tired for months. My fatigue has been around so long, I forgot exactly when it started—four months ago? Six months ago? Longer? Somewhere along the way my tiredness has turned into extreme exhaustion. I have the most energy for the first 2-3 hours of the day, and after that, it’s a chore (a taxing one at that) to get anything done. My body feels as if it’s trying to sleep as my brain tries to make it move. It takes effort and willpower to make a meal, to go up the stairs, to pick up my child. While I normally can manage by “pushing through,” I’ve realized that I just can’t do that anymore. I look fine. I look healthy even…but I know I have a lot of work to do to achieve the healthy body I desire. My issues predominately stem from my thyroid, my hormones, and my body’s struggle to detox. So I’m also dealing with endometriosis pain, low libido, chapped lips & hair loss, joint pain, and muscle weakness.
Approaching the Uncomfortable Differently
Despite all that, I’m approaching this season differently than I have in the past. I see now that acting like a victim, while it feels very validating, doesn’t serve me. Getting angry doesn’t help—in fact, it can actually make things worse, because chronic illnesses and inflammation can be sensitive to our internal emotions (aka: make them worse).
The question that has been coming again and again is, “what is this season teaching me?” If you’re going through an uncomfortable season, do this exercise with me.
- Find a quiet peaceful place to sit down.
- Take a few deep grounding breaths. Inhale deep into your belly and loudly exhale all the breath back out. Repeat two or three times.
- Close your eyes and ask yourself:
What is this season teaching me?
What am I learning about myself, my environments, and my relationships while in this experience? - Reflect on these questions for as long as you need. You might find it helpful to write down what is coming to mind. There are no right or wrong answers. The goal is to approach your season from a different angle and a clear mind.
What is This Season Teaching Me
- This season is teaching me that I am my biggest advocate—and not just when I’m at the doctor. I need to be honest with those I love about how I’m feeling and what I need, because they can’t see what I’m feeling. Like when I tell my husband, “I just can’t get up from the couch to do the laundry. It’s too much right now.”
- I am learning to rest. I’m intuitive and I can feel that the next chapter in my life is going to be busy and crazy as hell (in all the good ways). I can easily get caught up in a fast pace as I strive and leap toward my goals and through my to-do lists. In this season I’m learning how to rest regularly, when I need it, and, more importantly, how to properly rest (no phones allowed!).
- I am learning to set better boundaries. I can commit to very few things right now, so I need to be choosy about how I spend my time. I’m not willing to do something I don’t want to do just because it’s serving someone else’s desires. My time is limited and precious.
- I am getting to know myself and my dreams more deeply. The one thing I can do while in extreme exhaustion is think. I spend a lot of time in my head doing exercises like this one, visualizing my dreams, meditating, and getting to know myself.
- The world isn’t going to fall apart if I take a sick or personal day, nor do I need to explain myself to anyone why I need a day to myself if I don’t want to. At the end of the day (and the start and middle) this is my life. If I want to sit in the grass and feel the wind on my face while I just be me, I’m going to do it.
- Seasons come and end. I know this season is for a reason, even if I can’t give all the answers right now.
- My determination is stronger than anyone I know. I have come a long way in my healing journey. I’ve had a lot of people help me—but my biggest healer has been myself and my willingness to take ownership and try. I’m not worried I’ll be in this state forever, because I’m in charge.
While my current circumstances are not ideal or comfortable, I’m thankful for the ability to zoom out and shift my perspective. Whether you’re dealing with chronic illness, unease at a job or in a relationship…whatever uncomfortable season you’re in, I encourage you to do the same. I think you’ll be surprised to see and feel how your outlook will change internally, opening the door for the change you’re looking for.
Image: Alika Faythe Hartmann at 605Media