If only love was enough! The truth is relationships can be hard- they take effort. Many of us have studied our jobs and skills to get a level of expertise and yet when we join into a partnership with someone we love, we can have the expectation that it just comes naturally.
Leading busy lives as a couple is hard sometimes- that’s the truth. We all go through the changing seasons of life and love, from the honeymoon stage to the crossroads that we experience, but you can also experience rebirth as you grow together (check out our other blogs for more on this!).
From all the couples we have worked with over the years, one thing holds true- Connectedness is Key! It might be hard to believe that this is actually the secret most “power happy couples” cultivate, almost daily.
But what does it mean?
One of the most critical puzzles in your relationship is actually learning to build a sense of strong connection with your partner, even in time of stress or great crisis, to build daily rituals that bring you closer together.
Let’s face it when you feel connected to your other half you can conquer the world together and also you build the emotional fitness you mirror from each other.
What happens when connection is lost?
Unless it is addressed in the early stages, a common end-result of feeling disconnected is searching for love somewhere else or in the breakdown of the relationship. From each couple we work with, the story they tell us is very much the same: “I felt lonely in this relationship,” “I felt unwanted,” “I felt scared and lost,” “ I felt unloved and worthless”, “He/She didn’t seem to care about me anymore”, “They didn’t listen to me”, “We don’t get on anymore”, “We have nothing in common”.
But all is not lost- here are some rituals to create a connection with your partner and help your relationship thrive:
- There is one thing you need to do when things go sideways and the heavy pressure lands in your lives and that is to switch your focus from thinking about yourself onto helping your partner meet their needs first!
Yes, we know that this might be a response that you have never thought of but the reality is, if you do this you will feel empowered and connected with each more than ever.
Why? Because you are giving something from you when you haven’t got much yourself and it shifts the energy. It’s like having the last £5 in your pocket and you decide to buy yourself and somebody on the street both a coffee. You will feel empowered because you helped somebody even though you didn’t have much yourself.
Remember every single time you hit a challenge in your lives, it’s an opportunity to strengthen your connection with each other.
- Have a meaningful conversation with your partner- when we are juggling many things like work, family, kids, bills, socialising, health and so on- it may create more pressure and less time for each other which all has an impact. Having kids is even more challenging in the mix! But there is something you need to absolutely pay attention to- that is making sure that the little time you have to connect in the evening is used for praising, asking quality questions and encouraging and be present with your partner. Ensure you spend dedicated time every day connecting and conversating with your partner about their day!
- Try to stay away from competing with each other, who has done more things today for the family or who has earned more – when you work as a team, none of that matters as its all about what you achieve as a team, as a power happy couple. We all know how we feel when someone criticises us, so criticising or being negative or blaming each other will only push away from each other which will ultimately lead to poor or almost broken connection.
- Disconnect to reconnect- Taking dedicated time away from devices and distractions to concentrate on each other like eating meals together, having a work out or a walk or meditating. Facebook can wait.
- Meet your partners needs- ensure you look after your own and your partners needs- anticipate them! It’s like being on a plane and in case of danger you first need to put your own mask first before you help your kid. It’s your responsibility to make sure you fulfil your needs as best as you can (maintain a good health and wellbeing for yourself) and this will help you to create a level of readiness when you see your partner struggling to meet their needs and you are ready to help them. Don’t see your needs vs your partner’s needs, the moment you come together “my needs” and “your needs” become “our needs”! Both of you are responsible to help each other and keep your focus on you while at the same time don’t lose track of your other half. If you adopt this perspective, you will never see or label your partner as being selfish.
The comfort level for initiating these rituals varies between couples, depending on their personalities and lifestyle, but they are crucial in building connection. Much of this has to be experienced as life develops naturally and there isn’t a rule book to stick to, but ensuring you build that connection and anticipate your partners needs is crucial to long lasting connection.
As Tony Robbins said: Anticipation is Power! It certainly is when it comes to our intimate relationships!