I was thinking that you might want to know more about the topic of Self-sabotage. It could be disguised as Procrastination too.
Whether we procrastinate about short term actions or long-term life goals, we are sabotaging ourselves from reaching our full potential and we keep beating ourselves up about not being able to do the right thing or regretting past actions.
So instead of moving forward, we constantly feel stuck in the same position, same emotional state, sabotaging our own well-being.
So, this is how it looks like:
a. Actual emotional state:
… (any negative emotions)
b. Resulting in the following behaviours:
. Being reactive instead of being proactive working toward goals.
. Being unmotivated.
… (any passive behaviour)
Now let’s see what we would like to have instead:
a. Desired emotional state:
…(all the positive emotions)
b. Which will result in the following behaviours (desired outcome):
. Becoming proactive working toward our goals
. Gaining motivation and control over our mind and our behaviours.
Now let’s go back to the self-sabotaging part:
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a behaviour coming from thoughts and emotions that hold us back from getting consciously what we want.
In fact, it’s the conflict between a conscious desire (moving forward) and an unconscious need (staying safe) that manifests in self-sabotage patterns.
It’s a safety mechanism that wants to protect us from being disappointed or hurt. Our brain is protecting us from getting hurt by doing what it thinks is best. Which is to keep us where we are at.
Self-sabotage can come from multiple places: a lack of self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, and self-belief. And we suffer from self-sabotage patterns because we are unable to manage our emotions.
Self-sabotage can also come from:
. Fear of failure.
. Fear of taking risks.
. Fear of making mistakes.
. Inability to say no.
. Inability to admit mistakes or errors.
. Worrying constantly.
. Having unrealistic expectations.
. Critically judging ourselves or others
… and the list goes on.
To stop the self-sabotaging pattern we need to identify these fears.
The fears are deeply rooted in our belief system, that’s the reason why we need to identify this self-beliefs that hold and create those patterns.
Our behaviours are DIRECTLY linked to our belief system.
Take a basic example:
. If you hear a noise while sleeping and believe that someone is in your apartment, you will 1)(emotion) feel fear, 2)(behaviour) call the police.
. If you hear a noise while sleeping and believe it was the wind, you will go back to sleep, and continue your sweet dreams.
These same beliefs are the ones that create the patterns of self-sabotage, and the behaviour that results in your actual emotional state.
So the first step in moving forward is to identify these beliefs by doing belief-work.
Once identified, we will need to identify the opposite of these limiting beliefs, which will ultimately create the desired outcome.
Self-sabotaging can be a cycle that keeps on coming over and over again, which is why we don’t want to only identify its causes but also prevent it from coming back. We do that by having an extra layer of protection through knowing what direction we need to be taking in order to stay on the right track. This leads us to the Values work.
What we desire is meeting our values. It often happens on an unconscious level.
So if we want to make better decisions in the future we need to be more conscious about our Core Values. They will prevent us from making mistakes and falling into old patterns.
The work around the Values and the belief system is huge, and it’s the core work that needs to be done before anything else. It is the base of everything.
This is not something that I invented, it is researched, studied and applied by big public figures such as Tony Robins, Richard Branson and Oprah Winfrey.
I have designed my starter coaching package in a way where it includes the core work + the action plan.
Most of the coaches will jump directly to the action plan, you will start executing it, but you will most likely fall again into the same old patterns because there was no core work of “clarity” and “awareness” around the belief system and the core values.
The starter package offers you a solid base not only to deal with the Self-sabotage but also to thrive in the future because you will gain the sequence and the right mindset to solve any future complex situation.
. Making the right decisions (core values)
. Being in control of your behaviours and emotional state (Belief system)
. Create goals and objectives (my own practical way of doing goal settings)
. Strategize effectively (goal planning NLP version)
The belief work and the value work is specifically what you need to work on to stop your self-sabotaging head of yours from taking over your happiness and well-being.
You just need to trust the process and commit to it.