Addictions can be nasty and hard to overcome. Honestly, they are usually driven by deep triggers that we have not taken the time to deal with because it would call for a level of shadow work we might not be ready to dive into just yet. I have often wondered why some people are more drawn to have an addictive personality than others and if we are calling it something that it is not. What if it is just unhealed trauma that one has not escaped from? Maybe we will continue the self-sabotaging behaviors of addiction until we heal the trauma and do the inner work. We will keep replacing one addiction with another. Like a song on repeat. Playing over and over until we figure out how to stop it all together. 

This past year in 2020, I have found myself releasing a lot of mixed baggage that I didn’t even know I was carrying. Dead friendships that no longer served me. Business relationships built off of ego instead of love. Soulmates that danced with my heart in the palm of their hand. Family that did not honor the boundaries I put forth. In so many ways I had to let go. Let go of control. Let go of hurt. Let go of relationships I thought were meant for eternity. Even letting go of career paths that made me substantial money, but was unfulfilling. Choosing to walk the path of alignment has never been harder than this year and yet it has been rewarding in more ways than I can count.

When we choose to show up and do the work, we choose to say yes. Yes, to ourselves. Yes, to becoming a more aligned person. Yes, to healthier relationships. Yes, to growth. Yes, to releasing what no longer serves us. Yes, to walking the path we are meant to be walking. Is it easy? Hell no. It is hard as heck. I have cried more this year than ever. I have felt my heart splinter in a million pieces. I have felt betrayal. I have felt uncertainty. I have felt misunderstood. I have felt alone. I have felt the burden of carrying it all on my shoulders. 

Yet, I have felt happy. I have felt joy. I have felt lighter. I have felt freer. I have felt calmer. I have felt serenity. I have felt peace. I have felt aligned. I have literally wanted to pinch myself because I cannot believe I have created a life of my dreams. I wake up each day and I make a living doing something I absolutely love to do. I have an office that is an oasis of love and serene calm. I have connections that light me up. I have clients that fulfill me. I have my children who I get to spend time with. I have a full-time nanny who loves my child just like her own. I have slowly created the life I want. I have manifested it. I have put in the work. I have not quit. I have kept going when the whole world seemed to be pulling me down. 

Maybe your addiction is just inner work. Maybe it is trauma you haven’t looked in the eye and called it for what it is. Maybe it keeps driving you take a drag off the cigarette. Maybe it keeps pulling you to tip the bottle back more each night. Maybe it keeps you popping the pills. Maybe it keeps you choosing toxic love over a true soulmate relationship. Whatever your vice, the underlying reasons are always the same. Unresolved hurt. Unresolved trauma. Unresolved inner child work. Unresolved grief. Unresolved abandonment issues. Unresolved self-worth. The list can be so extensive and unique to each and every one of us, because NONE of us are exempt from the inner work. We all need it. We all have it within us aching for us to free it. We all keep pushing it under the rug and thinking we will choose another path eventually that makes us forget about it. We can rationalize it all day, but truth is…we need to face it. 

I encourage you today…look into the mirror. Look deep into your soul and find what triggers you. Find the hurt. Find the trauma. Find that inner child that is wounded. Work on them until the need for the addiction fades and is replaced with healthy habits of self-love and self-worth. 

You are not alone. The work will never be complete, but it can always get better. Each and every day we choose to look into the mirror and love ourselves for who we truly are.