Hey Parents, if you could “gift” your daughter anything right now, what would it be?
I’m asking because, well, ‘tis the season for personal and spiritual growth as you celebrate the holidays that are meaningful to you and your family.
As a parent and teen coach, I feel incredibly blessed with the gift of connecting with you in this way and to share your daughter’s ‘ah-ha’ moments and personal growth.
But, as you know, with growth and expansion come challenging questions.
And when you combine your daughter’s ever-changing adolescent landscape with the teen-girl rites of passage, it can be tough to find clarity and strategies that work.
That’s why I’m sharing your top question for 2020 “How can I help my daughter feel more confident?”
And offer you 3 key strategies that’ll set your daughter up for success.
There are so many different scenarios where this question applies.
I want to share a few that I’ve heard because maybe they’ll sound familiar for you, too …
- “My daughter is going into high school / college; how can I help her be more self-confident?”
- “My daughter is trying out for the soccer team, how can I help build her confidence, so she walks in feeling ready?”
- “My daughter really wanted to join a certain club at school and didn’t get accepted – as you might imagine, this wrecked her confidence. What’s the best way to boost her back up so she can feel good about herself and keep going?”
As you can see, these are REAL life experiences that’ll influence the choices and decisions your daughter makes going forward.
The Solution
What’s the best way to help your daughter feel more confident?
To give her the tools she needs TO EARN her confidence.
So often we, as parents, want to take care of or fix the hard things.
And trust me, I understand your mother and father bear instincts to do just that!
The hard part is, when we swoop in OR step in too soon, it’s sends your daughter the wrong message.
When in reality, the message you want to send is …
- I BELIEVE in you.
- I believe YOU HAVE what it takes to work through this challenge and create the life you dream of.
- And I’m here for you – always.
So, if your daughter is like most teenagers, her confidence will likely ebb and flow, depending on where she is on her journey.
3 Key Strategies
But she always has the opportunity to EARN her confidence by practicing 3 Key Strategies.
#1 The first key strategy is to develop her Sense of Self
When your daughter understands what drives her to think and act, it’ll be easier for her to stay true to herself, to stay on the path that right for her when she faces the comparison trap or her inner critic is as loud as a bullhorn.
So, lets help her get really clear about what’s most important by asking her…
- what energizes you?
- what drains your spirit?
- what are your top 3 non-negotiable core values?
#2 Next, she’ll want to Embrace her Growth
Chances are, your daughter doesn’t love those tough emotions like frustration, disappointment, and sadness.
Honestly, I’m not sure I know anyone who does.
However, those emotions are full of golden nuggets.
Think of it this way, your tough emotions are like your favorite teacher … firm but encouraging.
There to show you what you’re really made of.
Because, in doing so, you’ll:
- identify your strong, innate qualities
- and appreciate you have what it takes
to handle the tough stuff.
There’s actually a term for growing and getting stronger through adversity – it’s called Post Traumatic Growth.
And, simply put, post traumatic growth, can be empowering because, you open your mind to new possibilities, that’s when you’re able to create a positive mental shift.
#3 The third strategy is letting Grit be your Superpower
Yes, the adolescent years can feel messy and turbulent.
So, no doubt, your daughter’s going to need some good ‘ol fashioned grit from time to time.
As the CEO and Founder of the Character Lab, AND, in my opinion, the Queen of Grit Research, Angela Duckworth, shares that, “individuals high in grit were able to maintain their determination and motivation over long periods despite experiences with failure and adversity.”
Which is why I’d like to invite your daughter to tap into her true grit by answering these two simple questions:
- I’m at my best when _____________ .
- The reason I love doing this is because ____________ .
Pulling it All Togther
Okay, let’s pull this all toghether.
How does:
- developing your sense of self
- embracing growth
- and making grit your superpwer
Build your daughter’s confidence?
Well, if you’ll geek out with me for a minute, this may make it all really clear to you.
If you look at the Latin root of confidence, it’s “Fid” which means “Trust” or “Faith.
So when your daughter gets who she is at the core.
She’ll begin to trust herself.
And in trusting herself, she’ll see what she’s capable of – that strengthens her faith.
And that, my friends, is absolutely magical.
Resources:
Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast Episode #14 Your Top Question for 2020 Answered “How Can I Help My Teenage Daughter Feel More Confident?”
GRIT The POWER of PASSION and PERSERVANCE | Angela Duckworth