Would you like more happiness and success in your life?
Don’t even try to lie and say that you wouldn’t. We’d all LOVE to have more of both of those things in our lives.
But why don’t we?
Why is it that some people seem to have an abundance of happiness and success, while others seem to have none?
I have the answer, and I want to share it with you.
So, if you want to learn how to increase happiness and success in your life, then keep reading.
Why you don’t have more happiness and success
Before we dive into talking about how to get more happiness and success in your life, let’s chat about why you don’t have more already.
The answer to that question is simple – comparison.
The only reason you feel bad about the amount of success and happiness you have or don’t have in your life is because you’re comparing yourself to others.
I know this is true, because I’ve lived it. Problem is, comparison isn’t meant to be used like we use it. It’s meant provide context.
It’s only by comparing something to something else that we’re able to label it in some way. Nothing is “big” until we put it next to something that is smaller in comparison.
No one is “rich” until they’re compared to someone who has substantially less money or wealth.
So, although comparison is simply meant to provide context, we use it the wrong way and allow it to define us.
We allow the results of us comparing ourselves to the results of others to somehow mean something about us. It creates a rank and file system or hierarchy that determines our self-worth.
If we have less money than some, but more money than others, then we have a mediocre self-worth related to our finances.
If we’re in better shape than most, we have a strong physical image self-worth.
The problem with living this way, as I’m sure you can easily tell, is that our feelings about ourselves become completely dependent upon the results of everyone else and how we rank up to them.
I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a horrible way to live life. In fact, I know exactly what living that way is like. It was a huge part of why I battled depression.
I tied my self-worth to my achievements, and how those stacked up against others. And you know what? It sucked!
If you want more success and happiness in your life, you have to stop comparing yourself to everyone else!
“But how do I do that, Justin?”
Ahhh…. I’m glad you asked.
Write your own definitions
The reason why comparison doesn’t help in most situations isn’t because it’s inherently bad. Like I said, comparison is simply meant to provide context.
The reason it doesn’t work in most cases is because we shouldn’t all be going after the same things.
Stick with me for a second.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned in life is that success is subjective. Or at least it’s supposed to be.
That’s right, the reason comparison screws people up is that they’re judging themselves based on someone else’s score card.
We’ve fallen victim to this belief that there’s some generic definition of “success.” Almost like you could walk down the street and spot someone who is “successful” just by looking at them.
If that sounds stupid, it’s because it is. Yet, that’s EXACTLY how we live our lives.
When we’re unhappy or feeling unsuccessful in life, it’s because we’re not meeting someone else’s definition of success and happiness.
You’re scoring yourself according to someone else’s scorecard.
But if you want more happiness and success, you’ve gotta stop that. And instead, you need to create your own scorecard.
One of the big separators between people who are highly successful and those who are not, is that the highly successful people created their own definitions of success and happiness and went after them.
The fact that we label people as “successful” or “unsuccessful” points exactly to the problem I’m talking about. We subjectively judge people based on some standards we accepted somewhere along the way that make someone either successful or unsuccessful.
The problem is, if you ask most people what “success” actually is, they wouldn’t be able to describe it to you. And if they did, it’s probably going to have something to do with money.
Sure, how much money you make can be part of your definition of success. But it doesn’t have to be the only factor. In fact, it shouldn’t be (Cue every miserable millionaire or billionaire in the world).
For some, having the time freedom to be at all of their kid’s events equals success.
Being under 10% body fat isn’t everyone’s jam. And if it’s not, then you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You need to create your own definition of physical fitness success.
Same thing goes for happiness. What makes me happy probably isn’t the same as you. So our lives should look different if we’re both going after our own definitions of happiness.
It saddens my heart that we live in a world where there’s so much damn pressure to conform to these false standards. It’s no wonder why mental health is all out of whack.
Here’s the deal, if you want more success and happiness in your life, do yourself a favor and throw whatever scorecard you’re currently using right in the trash.
After you do that, sit down and get crystal clear on what both of those things mean to you. What do they look like in your life?
Once you’ve done that, put your blinders on, and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Stick to the scorecard YOU created for your life.
When you do that, and you make your life about pursuing YOUR definition of success and happiness, you’ll find that you create so much more of both.