You want and desire people to respect you, love and care for you, right?!
How much do you respect, love and care for yourself?
Let that question really sink in. Think deeply and answer honestly.
How much DO YOU respect YOURSELF?
I shared this at a workshop as so many of the challenges the women were experiencing at the moment like stress, overwhelm, confusion, anxiety, worry, etc can all in some way be linked back to our own lack of self-respect.
What does self-respect mean?
“Self-respect is defined as holding yourself in high regard, living aligned to your own values and believing that you are good and worthy enough of being treated well.”
How can a lack of self-respect manifest itself?
- giving up our time easily for other people, especially when we want to use that time for something for ourselves
- not following through on our ideas or desires, but quickly and easily helping others with theirs
- allowing someone to treat us unfairly, disrespectfully, or any way that challenges/ignores our values – this can be our partner, friends, family, boss, etc.
- giving up our own wants and needs to please or make others happy
Do any of these resonate with you?
There are plenty more ways that a lack of self-respect can show up, I feel these are some of the most common that show up and that many can probably relate to or have experienced before.
Do you know what was a fascinating insight one of the women shared yesterday “I never thought to ask myself how I would feel if I did/didn’t do something!! I always think of how the other person would feel.”
I understand it fully, we are hardwired to connect, to be loved, included and wanted. However, that cannot come at the expense of what it means to connect, feel loved, included and wanted BY YOURSELF.
The truth is, how you love, respect, and treat yourself sets the bar for how others treat you. How they treat you is a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you’re happy to give up your needs and wants, they will reflect that. Not always intentionally or consciously.
So, how can you start building your self-respect?
1 – Get clear on your values
You need to know what’s important to you so you know what you’re basing your decisions on. Your values can morph and change as you do (some people don’t agree with this, but I don’t believe any part of our life never changes, including your values).
Check-in with them, do they resonate and align with who you are now and who you wish to be going forward?
2 – Honour those values, consistently!
If you’re not honouring your own values how can you expect others to value them?? Make sure that YOU are living in alignment with what’s important to you first before you can start telling other people to do the same!
3 – Check-in with your own feelings
You are an emotional being (we ALL are), so it only makes sense that you check-in with how you’re feeling regularly and ask yourself “Is this how I want to feel?” and “What is causing me to feel this way?”
Really ask yourself where you might have let someone overstep a boundary or mistreat you. People only overstep boundaries or mistreat you when you allow them to do it. When you don’t speak up. But you need to be aware of it happening first – so check-in! OFTEN!
4 – COMMUNICATE
Tell people what you’re feeling. Tell people what you’re experiencing. Tell people what you’re seeing. Tell people how their behaviour and actions are impacting you and why. Tell people what your values and boundaries are so THEY KNOW!
More often than not, when people overstep your boundaries or have triggered/hurt you is because they didn’t know there was a boundary or that you are impacted in that way by what they do. People are not mind readers (even though we’d love if they were). Talk to them. Be brave. Share. Then see the magic happen!
5 – Keep a journal
Touch base with yourself often through journaling. Whether that’s expressing your feelings (in addition to checking in often) or giving your thoughts a place to go so they aren’t swirling in your head. Journal regularly about your day, what happened, how you felt, how you reacted, etc. Use that information to look for patterns and insight of where you may need to address things.
It’s also a great way to create space in the mind AND the body, especially before bed.
6 – Take care of your emotional needs
Taking care of yourself FIRST is not SELFISH! I will say this until the day I die. I will shout it from the rooftops and share it at every conference I’m invited to. Self-respect is looking after and caring for YOURSELF!
Do what YOU need to do when YOU need to do it. Be honest with your partner, children, family, friends, boss. Tell them why you need it and do it.
In caring for yourself emotionally you build that self-respect muscle, you refill your energy bank and you build resilience to keep going. It is necessary!
Phew, there you go! I hope these tips are helpful. Like with anything, it will take practice especially if this is something that you have neglected for some time. Start small, be consistent and go from there.
Be Brave. Be Intentional. Do It. For YOU!
If you feel called to share your thoughts about any of the above, please hit reply, I LOVE hearing from you! Thank you to all of you who responded to my last letter. I hope the self-care practices at work are going well 😉
Sending you love, respect and courage <3
p.s. this article was first published on www.tashpieterse.com.