I am in the parenting zone. Just back from parents’ weekend at Michigan. It was wonderful to see my oldest thriving in his new environment. It also provided a short respite from essay reviews for the approaching application deadlines of my high school senior.
In the book, Quiet, the author wrote about extroverted parents parenting introverted children. Well, that’s me and my youngest. They have often told me that they think I’m yelling when my voice is simply animated. When I ask about making a decision about something, the response is often, “I don’t know” because they need more time to process.
I often find myself confused wondering what they are trying to figure out and I want to say, “Let me help you think it through”, but that’s not what they need.
It got me thinking about how you parent differently for somebody who thinks differently. That led me to consider how you manage differently for somebody who works differently. It’s about flexing your style and adapting to what they need to help them grow.
I teach this all the time, but, when it’s in your home, it shows up differently.
Whether at work or home, some people may trigger you, be more important to you, or be harder to connect with. Whatever the case, remember Stephen Covey’s fifth habit, “Seek first to understand then to be understood.”
When you make the effort to understand their needs, preferences, and perspectives, you will have a much greater likelihood of connecting and communicating in a way your message can be heard.
I am working on this at home. I remind myself that from their view, the world is too loud, too busy, has too many people, and Mom is too impatient.
That last statement is pretty accurate. I was certainly taught a lesson last summer when my baby was job searching. After emailing the prospective employer, I kept asking if they responded and thought maybe we should call. I was told, “It’s only been a few hours, be patient.” Then within an hour or two, she responded, and I was again told, “See, be patient.”
Clearly not one of my strengths and probably why I devoted a whole chapter to it in The 11 Laws of Likability!
How do you take this from home to the office? If you are leading others that think or work differently than you, then think about what they need to bring out their best selves. Try it at work and I’ll keep working on this at home.