Many years before becoming the Couples Whisperer, I took a class where a fellow student asked the teacher a seemingly simple question: “What’s the secret to your 26-year marriage?”
Without missing a beat, the teacher replied with a smile, “I have no idea who my wife is.”
Puzzled, the student pressed further. “But what’s the secret to having a successful marriage that lasts 26 years?”
The teacher repeated, “I have no idea who my wife is.”
Now frustrated, the student raised his voice. “Yeah, but what’s the secret to making a marriage last 26 years?”
Still grinning, the teacher replied, “I have no idea who my wife is… I have no idea who my wife is because, 26 years ago, I made a commitment to live in the splendor of getting to know that woman every day for the rest of my life.”
And in that moment, we understood.
The secret isn’t about knowing everything about your partner — it’s about cultivating a sense of wonder, staying curious,embracing uncertainty, and letting go of assumptions. Having genuine curiosity and seeing your partner as a constantly evolving human being is one of the most powerful ways to love them better, to love them more.
Here are 10 more actionable ways to express your love better and build a deeper, more secure connection with your partner:
1. Leave Sweet Notes
Write heartfelt messages or compliments and leave them where your partner will find them — in their bag, on their car dashboard, or even inside a book they’re reading. These small gestures remind them they’re on your mind.
Love language: Words of Affirmation
2. Create Shared Rituals
Establish meaningful rituals together, such as a weekly movie night, morning coffee, or an annual trip to a favorite destination. These rituals build shared memories and strengthen your connection.
Love language: Quality Time
3. Give Genuine Compliments
Regularly compliment your partner — not just on their appearance but also on their character, talents, and accomplishments. Let them know you see and appreciate them for who they are.
Love language: Words of Affirmation
4. Show Physical Affection
Incorporate physical touch into your daily interactions. Hold hands, offer hugs, or give light touches during conversations. Physical affection fosters intimacy and connection.
Love language: Physical Touch
5. Offer Help with Tasks
If your partner is overwhelmed with errands or responsibilities, step in to help. Whether it’s running an errand or cooking dinner, small acts of service can show you care about their well-being.
Love language: Acts of Service
6. Engage in Meaningful Conversations
Ask thoughtful questions about their day, theirs hopes and challenges. Listen actively and respond with empathy. Meaningful conversations foster greater intimacy.
7. Plan Fun Outings
Surprise your partner with spontaneous dates or activities that cater to their interests. Whether it’s a hike, a concert, or a cooking class for couples, new experiences keep the relationship exciting.
8. Give Thoughtful Presents
Show your thoughtfulness by giving presents that have special meaning to your partner. It’s not about the price but the intention behind the gesture.
Love language: Receiving Gifts
9. Express Gratitude
Take time to thank your partner for the small things they do — making coffee, offering support, or simply being there. Gratitude reinforces appreciation and cultivates a positive atmosphere in the relationship.
10. Be Supportive of Their Goals
Encourage your partner to pursue their passions and interests. Show that you believe in them and care about their personal growth. Supportive love empowers both individuals to thrive.
Expressing love and affection doesn’t just strengthen your relationship — it also enhances your individual happiness. When you actively show love through small gestures, thoughtful words, or supportive actions, you create a positive emotional environment. This, in turn, boosts satisfaction and joy for both you and your partner. When you invest in your partner’s happiness, your own happiness increases. Acts of kindness and affection create a sense of purpose and connection, reminding you of the importance of nurturing your relationship.
Moreover, expressing your love better and witnessing the joy your actions bring reinforces a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. In the end, being expressive enriches not just your relationship, but your life as a whole.
Loving better is about seeing your partner as a dynamic, evolving person. It’s about staying curious, dropping assumptions, and embracing the beauty of discovering them anew every day. By incorporating small, intentional acts of love, you can deepen your connection, foster mutual happiness, and build a relationship that thrives over time.
Love, after all, isn’t just a feeling — it’s a perpetual action.