It seems that most of us have people who mess with us from time to time. Sometimes, it’s intentional and sometimes, it isn’t. You may be wondering why these people are trying to mess with you in the whole first place. There can be a variety of reasons. It could be that they feel insecure and insulting you enables them to feel better about themselves. Perhaps it’s that they are jealous and your successes trigger them. Sometimes it could have to do with control, and their desire to manipulate you or shape the narrative. Maybe it’s a simple case of projection where they are trying to cast their own failures upon you. Finally, it could have to do with social pressure or peer influence where they are trying to look good in front of others at your expense. Whatever the case, it’s never fun.
As such, you’ll want to do your best to place yourself in the driver’s seat and put an end to this type of behavior, transforming yourself from victim to victor. Here are some ways that you can make it happen:
- Alter your mental and emotional state. Stay calm and composed. People are often acting in this way to provoke a reaction from you. Avoid giving them one.
- Don’t take it to heart. They are someone else’s words so never internalize them. They don’t know you, your heart, or your intentions.
- Remain confident. Your aggressor is likely to look for a weakness that they can take advantage of. Your confidence will deflect them.
- Protect your boundaries. Communicate clearly that their behavior is not okay, and that you will not tolerate it.
- Call them out. You want to let them know that you’re on to them and don’t appreciate what they are trying to pull. They’ll soon get the message that you are not a pushover.
- Deflect the insult with a joke. This will diffuse the situation and signal that you’re not taking their insult seriously.
- Don’t allow the encounter to escalate. Rise above their actions and stay calm. Don’t fight fire with fire. You’re better than that.
- If it happens regularly, surround yourself with others. A support system can deter their behavior. Your bully will think twice before attacking you with an audience around.
- Limit contact. If their behavior is prolonged and unwanted, do your best to reduce contact with this unpleasant individual.
- Report it. If you are in a professional setting, report the behavior to someone who can help.
At the end of the day, remember that these insults have a lot more to do with the other person than with you. While you might not be able to stop the behavior altogether, there are things that you can do to thwart it and protect yourself in the process. It all starts from within. Build up your inner strength and confidence, and never let someone else’s behavior impact your self-worth.