In today’s world of online dating and casual connections, the term “situationship” has emerged as a common buzzword—but what exactly does it mean? A situationship is that grey area between a committed relationship and a friendship that’s something more. It’s undefined, ambiguous, and, often, a breeding ground for emotional distress.
While some may feel liberated by the lack of labels, the truth is that these “relationships” can cause deep emotional turmoil. One person may want more while the other remains non-committal, leading to feelings of anxiety, frustration, and resentment. These situations often spiral into a sense of helplessness or even depression. The absence of clarity can be emotionally draining, leaving people questioning where they stand and what they want from their connection, whether it be a casual relationship or a more serious one.
As a therapist working with clients in relationships and dating, I’ve seen the effects of situationships play out time and time again. It’s crucial to know what you want and have the courage to pursue it—rather than simply going along for the ride, hoping things will change. Here’s how to recognize if you’re stuck in a situationship, and why it’s time to reevaluate your choices.
Signs You’re In a Situationship:
- Plans Are a Rare Occurrence
In a true relationship, plans are made in advance and both parties are eager to follow through. In a situationship, attempts to solidify plans are often met with vague responses or reluctance. Dates are last-minute and feel opportunistic—more about filling time than truly wanting to connect. - Conversations Stay Superficial
Deep, meaningful conversations are the foundation of strong connections. In situationships, however, talks tend to be shallow, often revolving around immediate gratification or physical attraction. Partners can exist in these situations for months or longer without truly understanding one another’s values, beliefs, or emotional depth. - You’ve Never Met Their Friends or Family
When a relationship is important, it extends beyond just the two of you. If you’ve been seeing someone for any length of time and haven’t been introduced to their social circle or family, this is a glaring red flag. The unwillingness to integrate you into their life outside the one-on-one dynamic suggests they aren’t invested in building something more substantial. - The Future Is Never Discussed
When it comes to plans, the future is foggy at best. In a situationship, talk of what’s next is noticeably absent. You may have tried to discuss where things are heading, but your partner resists or remains unclear. This lack of commitment to a shared future is one of the most telling signs that you’re not in a relationship at all—at least not in the traditional sense.
How to Break Free from the Situationship Trap:
The most crucial question you can ask yourself is: Is this someone I can see myself with long-term? Do they share your values, goals, and interests—or are they simply a temporary fix to a deeper emotional need? If you find that the answer is the latter, it’s time to stop wasting your time and move on. Your emotional health and future happiness deserve better.
Situationships are often a result of societal pressures, fear of commitment, or simply a lack of understanding about what you truly want. But the longer you stay in one, the more emotional energy you invest in someone who isn’t offering you what you deserve. Recognizing these red flags is the first step to reclaiming control over your dating life and avoiding the heartache that comes with trying to make something work that was never meant to.