I was in a long term relationship, and at a point where everyone was expecting us to tie the knot very soon. Then, after a trip to Las Vegas, I realized that I had to summon all my courage to terminate the relationship.

Looking back, it was a bold move. We had already bought a place together. Many of my close friends and families were getting married or expecting their first bundle of joy. Yet here I was, deciding to end a steady relationship and venture into the unknown, just as I was turning 30.

I never quite laid out how and why I made this important decision. If I have to sum it up, below are the main reasons.

I lost my own identity in the relationship.
Compromise is necessary in a relationship, but unhealthy compromise means you lose a big part of your identity. My former partner and I had many different interests. I tried to do things he enjoyed, but never felt he made efforts to reciprocate. After dating for several years, I found myself not doing things that I used to like, simply because my former partner had no interest. I started questioning my own identity. I felt I had to give up a big part of my identity in the relationship, and I didn’t feel good about it.

I was happier alone.
This may be obvious now, but I was so blind in that relationship. I wasn’t happy, and subconsciously, I was avoiding admitting it. But soon, I started telling my partner I wanted to do things by myself. I would go on road trips, checking out museums and exploring new cities because I liked traveling alone. This was a big red flag. After we went to Las Vegas together (and I did not enjoy it), it made me realize that I needed to confront my own unhappiness about the relationship.

I saw misery in my future.
Again, my former partner and I didn’t quite have the same vision for what our future should look like. He wasn’t fond of kids, whereas I always saw kids as part of the future. I also didn’t feel supported when I needed his help. In short, I didn’t see a future with him, or I saw a future that would end in misery.

It became so clear that the relationship wasn’t going to work out, at least from my perspective. But it still took a lot of courage to end it because I was also afraid of the consequences — not knowing what would happen after.

Would I stay single for the rest of my life?

Would I end up being very lonely?

Would I be still unhappy?

After examining all these questions, I felt that any possible outcomes would be better than what I was about to get into.

The unknown may be scary, but it also gave me endless hope and possibilities.

After our relationship ended, I felt instantly liberated. I felt I could be myself again, and explore things I truly like. I needed to be me again.

I am glad I had the courage to do what I did then. It has changed the trajectory of my life, and I am now married with the love of my life, and have two kids with whom I share my joy every single day.

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  • Cynthia Leung

    Clinical Pharmacist, Blogger & Influencer, Educator and Speaker

    A pharmacist by training who has developed a passion in writing. She enjoys sharing her view in life and wellness. Through her writings, she hopes to help others to discover the best in them, to inspire them to spread compassion and contribute something beautiful to this world. She also has her own blog (www.drugopinions.wordpress.com) that focuses on sharing her knowledge in medications and to inspire the community to engage in safe medication use.