I started out online in 2009 when I had my first kid.
There was no way I was going to leave my child to go back to a job, that although paid really well, wasn’t fulfilling or what I was meant to do in the world.
I’d been doing Project Management work for big corporations in London… Some peoples dream right?
I knew I had to find something where I was free to be with my kids at home, still make money & do my soul work in the world.
So I tried for years online, but lets face it, I was struggling.
First I was looking for what I was meant to do, I went from one thing to another changing up my website and message. Every time I thought, ahhh this must be it. But it didn’t work. The clients didn’t miraculously appear and I wasn’t an overnight success. (You know as you’d expect right?)
So, I sat down with myself one day and thought,
“Emma, why do you keep changing your mind… what’s going on?”
And I realised deep within myself was a fear of actually getting clients, because if I did, there’d be all this pressure on me to perform, what if they didn’t get results, what if they didn’t like what I was doing with them?
So I did what I knew to do best, the thing I’d been training and learning for years. I transformed my inner game to shift the external results. I shifted the belief and changed my perspective on client results and realised in coaching, that the client is just as responsible for the results.
So I was like, cool. Now I know what I’m doing let me go and do it. But still, nothing.
I was being visible, growing my following but nothing was happening…. I couldn’t understand it. So I started to think.
“Maybe I’m just not meant to do this.”
“Maybe this yearning I have inside of me, this pull to transform people’s lives isn’t real.”
I was so convinced I went looking elsewhere and at the age of 34 as a single mother on benefits with 2 young kids I went back to study media in college.
I thought I’d be able to be this amazingly powerful director that would create these life changing and moving films and documentaries.
I mean that must be it right!
Two years later, I’d finished the course only to discover….. nope Media wasn’t it either.
I’d still been dabbling in the online space, speaking my truth and tentatively putting things out.
And after 2 long years and far too many essays later, I found myself back online, fully, doing what I’d always wanted to do. I couldn’t stay away.
So this time, I had to make it work. There was no way I was going to waste another two years of my life doing the wrong thing.
I bought courses, I invested money, but still I couldn’t make it happen. I felt so totally frustrated. I couldn’t understand why what I was doing wasn’t working. What did everyone else know that I didn’t?
So, I bought this marketing group program, I knew this woman had had great success, she was genuine, intelligent, she must have the answers.
I bought the course, excited to see what was inside that I must have been missing all along.
But that magic pill I was looking for, that answer I was longing to find to effortlessly catapult my business from this stuck position to a whole knew level, didn’t exist.
Once again, I was left with what I knew.
I stopped looking outside myself for answers and went back to what I know how to do and to what I do best.
I went within.
And that’s where I found it…..
I remembered when I was a kid asking to borrow money from my dad. Now this wasn’t something you did lightly. My dads the kind of person you’ll never get leaving a tip anywhere.
It took a lot of guts to ask for that 10 quid I wanted. I was in a vulnerable place. And from what I remember it was something important.
So I asked.
He grabbed his wallet, threw it across at me and bellowed with this booming voice,
“Take my bloody money!”
I was mortified.
I felt soooo much guilt, and shame.
And in that one moment, at age 16, I made a decision that would affect me for the next twenty years of my life.
That I was a really bad, bad person for taking other people’s money.
How was I ever going to be able to earn money in my business when I had to take it from someone else?
I cleared the belief.
And guess what happened.
I went from struggling to make a few hundred quid in my business every month to making multiple 5 figures in 30 days.
It wasn’t the strategy like everyone always thinks, it wasn’t anything out there.
It was right within me all along.
And I bet, if you’re someone who’s struggling to break through a stuck place in your business, if you know there’s another level of impact and income you want to make, and you’ve tried different strategies but it’s not working.
Then I’m telling you, it’s not out there.
The answers lie within.