Photo by Christina @ on Unsplash

I will say this time and time again, I do not embrace the modern version of feminity. Today’s ladies were never raised to take a seat, we argue about everything, and we’ve forgotten what it is to have to really work for something. We expect a bit too much and are unwilling to bend, unwilling to compromise, we respond from emotion, rather than think things through and come up with a logical plan of action to tackle issues. Rather than take steps forward, we really have taken steps back. What good is it to say that you want to be treated equally when many of us are unwilling to put in the work? I’ve seen instances where we make demands, but expect it to just magically appear overnight without us contributing. What happened to the women who actually do do it all? I’m not seeing that anymore. We expect, no, we want help, but do we really participate or let someone else pick up the slack. We are, in a sense confusing the heck out of men. We want to be treated like ladies, but when men treat us that way, we call them sexist or call it harassment. Grant it, there is a fine line, however, you can’t have it both ways. There are men out there who feel like they are being disrespected, and probably miss the days when chivalry and doing what their Mothers taught them were appreciated. A man feels intimidated to hold a door open for a woman because he never knows how it is going to be viewed.

In previous articles, I have mentioned that my Grandmother was my role model. To this day, when I think of a strong independent woman, I think of her. My Grandmother was not a feminist, she believed in traditional ways, I still remember when I was a very little girl how she would dress to go to work each day. She ran a switchboard and still ran a house. Every night at 5 pm, before my Grandfather came home, supper would be ready and on the table. I helped when I was old enough, stirring things on the stove, learning to cook, making pudding, and helping to bake cookies, I dried the spoons, helped clear the table after everyone ate, and never thought a thing of it. It was how I was raised, we did the work, we contributed to the household, we knew our place and we listened and did what we were told to do. We didn’t buck up against society, while we worked, kept house, went to school or college ( it was necessary to have a good education) we were raised to be partners, wives, and mothers. Today’s women, well, if they are told to get supper on the table, they’d tell you to do it yourself. The whole idea of a helpmate has gone flying out the window. Unfortunately, those of us who embrace traditional roles are seen as being weak. Since when? Why not be partners, help each other, why does everything have to be seen in terms of equality?

My grandparents were married for over fifty some odd years, they lived in a time where a man didn’t do women’s things; meaning that my Grandmother kept house, cooked, did dishes, laundry, worked, had her social functions, and ironed my Grandfathers shirts. My Grandfather tinkered in his garage, gardened, watched his games. No man in my family ever lifted a finger, from my Grandfather to my Dad, to my now long gone ex-fiancee. Marriages seem to work better when each partner knows what is expected of them. Oh, and we didn’t gripe about it either, it was accepted that this was a woman’s place, we bake the cookies while they are watching a baseball game, wash the dishes, and have a meal prepped all at the same time. If Mom can do it, you can too! We are not entitled, we have to work for what we want in this life, and that’s just the way it is. I think the feminist movement has destroyed the dynamics of what man and wife should be. A woman of value is a wise woman and knows how to make her home a haven, and she does it without being bitter or complaining.

For every woman that whines, there is another who is doing all of the above, and then some, as well as running a corporation. The wife is the husband’s jewel. I was raised to lift a man up, and support him (of course, this should be reciprocal) but still, ladies it is our job. Respecting a man can go a very long way, and men really do give more affection to a woman who isn’t a battleax and gives him no reason to not be happy. Just as the term “Happy wife, happy life” is a thing, “A Happy hubby keeps life bubbly” is also true.

Traditionally, I was brought up European. In our household we had many points of view, however, the man was the head of the household. We respected men, we did not compete (to this day, I still feel no need to) and, I know I’m going to catch flak for this, but we did not raise our voices against them, or express hate or participate in violence or accusatory actions. Not like some women do today. Now, don’t get me wrong, we all were strong, but we were also women of faith.

I’m a very traditional, old-fashioned, supportive, faithful, and submissive woman, I am, however, also a bit of a spitfire, I will speak my mind, I believe in partnership, although I will seek your advice and honor your decision. In a sense, I guess that is being obedient, and I have no problem with that, just don’t be an asshat about it. ( I just like to be included in it) while I’m not a holy-roller, I will pray that God will lead you and guide you. Yes, if I love you, I will cry when you cry, I’ll be there to comfort you, and I will be there to conquer what defeats you and pray with you. When a woman loves you, she will share her wisdom, her kindness, and compassion, listen to it, it is God-given if it comes from deep love. I do not participate in drama, games, or gossip and will be loyal, I’ll always have your back. I want to see you shine and be what you are meant to be. This is how I am in real life and how I would be as a wife, SO, or partner.

I hear so many men speak of self-entitled women, those who cause hurt to them and their families, those who cheat and spread gossip, with me, I am a ride or die kind of lady, I can work, run a business, but still scoop a litter box, cook a meal, and be there cheering on your favorite team at a game. I do not surround myself with people who are greedy or seeking anything other than to bring a little positivity to someone else’s life. I am mature, but still a goofball, and I love to make someone feel welcome and peaceful in my home. I am a lover of animals, children and in the biblical sense, only mean to do good and be an asset, a jewel as we are supposed to be, an oasis as I wish to be.

There are some very good women out there just as much as there are some really great men who see love as something to treasure and marriage as sacred.

I am grateful for the values that my Grandmother instilled in me. She was my biggest influence in what shaped me to be the woman I am today. I can have a life, be independent, but still balance things out. she taught me the true meaning of being a woman. Embracing all sides, being the warrior when needed, but also being the divine feminine healer when required. That is the true blessing of being a woman, we get to do both.

On Monday, International Women’s Day we can celebrate the strides made in our name, but we can also thank the men who aren’t afraid to step beside us, support us and see us as treasures in this world. I am not against men, I rather like them. I am not afraid of my feminity, and I can still do it all.