I wrote this in 2016 and never hit publish. It was before Facebook was a black hole of fake news and politics and pandemic chaos.
Mixed Reality and Fakebook Updates
Facebook is an incredible way to connect and stay in touch with friends, family – your world.
The thing is, it can also give the impression of perfection. No problems, all the positive things, the wonderful side of life. Yes, people share deaths, sickness, and destruction, but typically the positivity outweighs the dark side.
Masking the Reality
- Nobody complains about not being able to pay bills.
- Less people talk about getting on the scale.
- More people talk about the five star restaurants than the prospect of rehab for a family member.
- Not as many complain about the child support check that didn’t come for the 8th month in a row, more brag about the house they just bought.
- We know when the kids get into a certain college, but we never hear about the depression and anxiety many suffer from.
- We see photos of the incredible desserts, but never hear about the latest prescription just picked up at the drugstore.
- We hear about suicide when it happens, but not a word on possible problems that might have been happening leading up to it.
Comments On
So when I hear comments from friends who mostly keep up with me on Facebook like:
“I want your life!” or
“I didn’t know you still work, it looks like you are always on vacation.”
I think to myself, they have no idea!
The reason they have no idea is that, like most of us on Facebook, I’m unintentionally posting and talking about only the positive moments of my life.
Isn’t that human nature even before social media?
My grandmother used to always be paranoid about “what the neighbors would think?!” Back in the day it was much easier to keep family secrets and problems hush, hush. Now it’s what will our Facebook friends think?
And for me, it’s not that I am hiding anything.
I love advice and opinions.
I take it all in, process what everyone tells me and then formulate my own decision or idea.
It’s just Facebook is not my “go-to” place to take cry, stress, or ask an opinion on whether I should take mental wellness day or stay in bed or go to work. It’s more my sanctuary of positivity and inspiration.
Which explains why my life looks so wonderful to the people who only know me from that side and don’t know the drama and trauma that is sprinkled into my life just like everyone else. There’s more to my life than what my timeline reads, the status updates that never get published.
It’s just a few and far between who are the strong ones who wear their emoji heart on their Facebook sleeve status.
My friend Sheila’s daily life blog Fat to Fab Over 50 is a microscope on the personal side of the inner thoughts of what she is going through. Even if you are not over 50 and trying to lose weight, her blog is relatable to the daily struggles and demons inside her head.
My friend Alan doesn’t hold back either. He shares the good, the bad, and the ugly of his personal and business life on Facebook while also the success, the wins, and the pretty side of his life… No surprise that if you know his story, you know he hit rock bottom, almost lost everything including his life, and has a perspective that most of us will never have.
The majority never hit rock bottom or realize they need to before they die.
But to truly have the raw appreciation in lifelike Sheila and Alan, it seems hitting rock bottom is the common denominator.
So when you look at my Facebook status and see my check-ins at the Ritz spa or a restaurant in Santa Barbara or from our favorite lunch spot on Anna Maria Island, that’s actually in between the things happening behind the scenes like
- A family with hoarding problems dating back many generations,
- Dealing with someone on an almost daily basis who has an addiction and mental health issues,
- Protecting my 13-year old daughter from problems and scenarios that are stealing her youth causing anxiety and depression,
- Balancing my weekdays between running a business,
- Talking with attorneys and
- Staying present with my family and keeping my sanity.
So in between it all, I post positive and inspirational things on my Facebook page, but just know that I’m not the only one and that is not necessarily the whole story.