If we all had a scrolling neon sign that displayed our thoughts it’d be easier for us to shift our programming. 

Those thoughts that are embedded into our deepest psyche can be our greatest freedom or our deepest hell. It’s one of the things we avoid the most.  It can feel like a black hole. 

I’ve learned to write mine down when I can catch them. I inquire into them and look at how I respond to those thoughts. I use these questions; Is this thought 100% accurate?  What is my behavior when I believe it is accurate? If I never had this thought ever again how would my life be different? It has taken a long time to get to this point. It’s work.

As a society we are too busy trying to be “evolved”, “politically correct” or to be seen as “emotionally mature” and “healed” that we don’t really want to be honest about that thought we just had. That judgment. 

Thoughts come and go in a flash. It doesn’t take much effort to avoid them. We have to try and catch them like flies! They move fast!

I just had a brief online conversation about time value within a couple. I found it so amazing that the couple actually sat down and wrote out what each does in the unit of the home and their judgments about the other. Their thoughts around responsibilities and duties.

When they compared them, apparently, the man found out how much the woman actually does and saw that he valued his time more than hers. He was not aware of the silent judgments he had around her value until they read a book about it. Sat down and really looked at it. It took honesty. 

It is a common issue in relationships to have these subconscious beliefs that are either justified, unheard ( silent) or heard and ignored.

In this situation and in many situations I hear about women that have to deal with this judgment and now eons later still have to do more and be acknowledged less for what they contribute. It isn’t a new concept. It isn’t easy to dig up these eons old embedded beliefs, acknowledge them and face them. 

If asked, many will clearly state they value the woman’s/ man’s time and effort. What they don’t know is those silent thoughts that run the show will show up in actions and emotions. Usually in the form of chaos or conflict.

We all have a scrolling neon sign that helps us move forward

Women themselves even minimize their own efforts, tasks, and what they give. They often share the same hidden beliefs as men. In this case, both of them had the same judgment. It showed up in the form of anger, resentment, and arguments. It showed up in her exhaustion. 

If we don’t stop to question those invisible beliefs.  It gets projected onto each other. The blame game. The neon sign is the blame or anger we have for someone else.  It takes time to sit with our judgments and discuss them with others. Look at our own judgment with ourselves. Something most of us do not want to take the time to do. However, like with this situation, it brought greater connection, trust, and peace into the relationship.  New energy into the home.

We really would benefit from understanding the neon sign is already there waiting on us to notice.  It’s flashing at its strongest when we point our judgments out to someone else or ourselves. It’s an opportunity for us to move forward. It’s an opportunity to change age-old beliefs that have been invisible for generations. We have to stop and look at them.

Photo by Alex Lee on Unsplash