Beautiful path of self-discovery begins with one important step: true motivation
Life is a matter of choice. And every choice you make, makes you.
John C. Maxwell
In the process of deciding whether to start a process of self-discovery through work with a professional coach or healthcare professional, before we take that first step and book an appointment, it is highly recommended to ask ourselves is our motivation to do that intrinsically driven or not. This beautiful road of self-contemplation should always be seen as some kind of gift we will gladly afford to ourselves.
So, in the process of making this important decision which could greatly change our life, it is extremely important to:
• be sure that it is our own decision that we are making in order to satisfy our needs,
• keep in mind that the main goal of starting to work with a coach or psychotherapist is our own personal change and not the change of other people ,
• be aware that long-lasting problems cannot be resolved “overnight”.
Although at first glance it may seem illogical to even need to discuss whether are the reasons for booking a call with a healthcare professional good or not, it can often happen that people, in a way, “stray” to psychotherapy and soon realize that it is not for them, because the main goal of their appearance is to:
• Change someone else.
It often happens that a person comes to a psychologist to learn certain skills on how to help a close person, that is, to change other people in their environment who are suffering or in trouble in some way. So, in our cabinets, we will often see, for example, a parent who would give everything in the world to “fix” life of her/his (adult) child (to get rid of alcohol/drugs, to divorce, to get married, to become independent).
It is often said that people often seek for a help because of other people who do not realize that they have a problem, and who usually do not see the need for change.
That is why it is very important, before applying to counselling, to be sure that the problem we are reporting is ours, that we (with the support of close people) want to solve it, and that it is more important to work on ourselves and our own view of ourselves, than to work on changing other people in whom we notice a certain problem. After all, it often turns out that the change in ourselves and giving up some previous wrong patterns of thinking and behavior, spontaneously gives birth to positive changes in people close to us.
“There’s only one corner of the universe that you can certainly change, and that’s yourself.”
Aldous Huxley
• Satisfy someone else.
Another wrong motive for seeking the professional help is to satisfy a person close to us, who, more than ourselves, realizes that we have a problem, and who more than us, want us to ask for help. It is clear at the very beginning of the coaching process that a person who does not respond to psychotherapy arbitrarily, does not show sufficient motivation to talk about their problems, or to look for causes together with a psychologist, or to participate in creating therapeutic goals.
On the other hand, when a person really asks for help on his own initiative, it can be seen even before the first meeting how impatient he or she is to start working on his or her problems. Arranging the first appointment is often accompanied by pleasure, with the addition of sentences such as “I can’t wait to start”, “I feel scared and excited at the same time”, “It’s as if I’ve been waiting for this for a long time”.
It is probably not necessary to emphasize how people with that intrinsic motivation to begin the process of counseling benefit from sessions very quickly, because they are somewhere deep inside, firmly determined to take their lives into their own hands and start the adventure that change brings.
Re-examining the personal motivation to report to a psychologist is therefore extremely important for the very success of self-fulfillment process.
“Once he finds himself, he can lose nothing in this world.”
Stefan Zweig
• Other unrealistic goals.
A problem that lasts for 10 years cannot be solved in 10 days. Psychotherapy needs our true engagement for some time.
During psychotherapy, we are not fixing goals related to our past. Time cannot go back nor can actions from the past be corrected. We can influence only the present moment, as well as the way we interpret our own past today, so that we can live peacefully with it.
One of the goals of psychotherapy is always to get to know ourselves better, our own weaknesses and strengths and to create desires, motives and goals, so that we know in which direction we are moving and for how long.
Some people are afraid of psychotherapy because they think that something will happen to them during psychotherapy that will make them a person they do not want to become (selfish person, someone completely different, someone whose close people will not love them anymore if they take their lives into their own hands). Although the change is the essence of psychotherapy, it is important to know that we cannot lose control that easy. However, strenghtening that self-control is always one of the important goals during the counselling process.
One thing is for sure: if we are truly motivated to engage ourselves in this beautifull self-discovery process, we will surely, thanks to that positive intrinsic motivation and active engagement, become a better version of ourselves.
“A tree that has grown bent for thirty years cannot be repaired in a year.”
Ashant proverb