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A friend of mine is always asking what my Facebook status is, well-meaning, of course, but she always wants to know if I’m still single. The single part is whispered. I shyly smile and roll my eyes while nodding my head.

Truth be told, love has been like an elusive butterfly, impossible to find. I know I’m not alone. There are so many factors, from having unrealistic expectations to just being afraid to jump headfirst into the unknown. Yes, I’ve gone kicking and screaming too. No way was I going to fall over the edge, but, to be honest, I kind of want to. I want that once in a lifetime, but does it even exist in today’s world?

Romance has rather flatlined. Single is the catchphrase of the moment.

With marriage succeeding only 50% of the time and the rate slowly declining, and women filing for 70% of all divorces, Houston, we have a problem.

People don’t value relationships any longer (or at least very few people do). They see it as a temporary thing. Often it is to fulfill a need or stroke their ego. We aren’t dedicated as we should be. We want it all right now. They feel no need to commit because our society has taught them they don’t have to. There are some men and women out there that go through partners like toilet paper. I’m not the morality police, but really, love just doesn’t come into play anymore. People tend to want to play with hearts and are careless.

They aren’t willing to put in the work required to make something last. If it isn’t easy-peasy they walk away. They have a checklist of what they want and if it doesn’t meet their criteria, well, they just swipe left or right to find someone else who does. We live in an instant gratification world. They don’t want to take the time to build a friendship, nurture each other, support, and build trust, so there is no foundation and it falls apart. People don’t really know each other anymore, at least not beyond a surface level. I want to know someone fully, all the bumps and wrong turns, and the paths chosen.

They are not mature enough to handle what life throws their way. I’m a ride or die kind of woman, I want a forever kind of man.

They lack communication skills and are not in touch with their emotions. Since they don’t know their own mind, how can they handle someone else’s thoughts and actions? They can’t be a sounding board if they aren’t stable themselves. They cannot provide leadership if they themselves lack the skill or the confidence to lead. It creates an imbalance in the relationship.

People prefer online relationships, cyber-love abounds because they don’t want to invest all of the above mentioned. They can ghost when they feel people are getting too close. Text messages and facetime has taken the place of real dates, getting to know the nuances of someone and the humanity of someone. Look, you can’t kiss a screen. I prefer a warm hand in mine and the smell of a man’s cologne. Does anyone send flowers or chocolates or hand notes anymore? We’ve lost a part of the sensuousness of love, the art of discovering true chemistry, the flavor of life is missing.

This heart, it’s been through a lot, most hearts have. I’ve seen things that I probably shouldn’t have seen, I’m not seeking, I kind of shrug and just say “Meh”, I’m tired, not jaded, but tired. I don’t know if I can fully believe in love, because experience has not been kind. (You know, right person, wrong time, blah, blah) If you’re nodding your head with all of that, then you understand.

I just work on myself now, leaning into faith and the universe, I’ve had to do some healing, and I have, I’m ready and I’ve learned how to be complete in myself, I’ve learned to be alone and I know what this old heart wants. I’ve learned to let go. I still have a little faith in love, tiny, but every now and then I think “maybe” (until I get slapped in the face by reality; just kidding).

How to find love, I’m not sure. I just go with the flow and don’t try to control anything. My philosophy is that you need to find your own peace and happiness before you are able to fully be present with someone else. When you do, when you’ve gone through your own muck, taken a look at the shadows of your soul, you will know how to give, how to properly love someone else, and also how to open up and receive. That’s what I’m looking for, a partner who has that same passion, who carries the same belief.

Yes, yes I’m still single.

This story is written in part from