Welcome to another dose of the CandidSerpent poison. JK. Today I am going to tell you about job search. YES, the thing which everyone hates but has to do it, otherwise how will ya eat my friend?

So I’ve been unemployed for like 6 months now, waiting for my “perfect” job. And I’ve come across a few things which totally suck. BUT I’ve tried to find meaning in that. Let me preface this article – I am being totally honest and vulnerable so if that bothers you, you can take off right here.

I left my job in another city and I am home looking for a good job okay? But what bothers me in the corporate world, is the sheer amount of sucking up and self promotion that you have to do. For any creative, both these things are such toxic turn offs. It literally feels like I am selling myself short when I have to answer, “So tell me about yourself.” Can you fit 2.5 decades of me in these 5 minute conversations? No wonder there are so many entrepreneurs these days, cause they’re just so sick of this toxic environment that they’d rather make their own rules instead of play by others.

See I am not cribbing or whining okay? I know in this contract called life, we have to do some shitty things in order to survive. And there are millions of people who hardly have access to what you and I have. I get that. Sometimes I feel- is this literally all there is to life? Find a good job, get married, have kids? There is nothing wrong in that. In fact people love and crave the kind of stability that it provides. BUT, being on this job search bandwagon, I do feel disheartened with the dehumanisation which comes with having a career. Karl Marx called this alienation- when you are alienated from the whole process and hired to be a cog in the machine. I know many people who’ve quit their jobs, or who want to but can’t.

Again, is it all there is? Maybe thats why Youtube and the whole social media thing is so popular. It gives us a window of hope. WHAT? People can make a living just travelling full time? But of course its not as glamorous as it seems. What you see is a 5 minute condensed video, or a picture perfect post on Instagram. But there is real grinding work involved. This job search thing is again a reminder of why I chose to be a YouTuber (I am not a famous one so you might not know me). Why work so hard for someone else, when you can work 10 times harder for yourself?

For all those who feel their souls shrivelling up due to this “career-settle down” thing, and you feel like you HAVE TO do this- Just remember, please remember who you are. You are not defined by your resume. I know I know, millions of people have said that already and nobody has offered you a job yet. I know you’re so sick of this self help shit that does nothing but feed you denial.

Life is suffering, but it need not be so painful. Fight. Fight with all you have. Whoever you are, wherever you are. Fight for yourself. Stand up for your self and be rightfully angry at people who try to bring you down for no reason. Like how you get angry when it happens to your friend- the sheer injustice of it, have that for yourself. All you have is yourself.

This is not all there is. Life can change in dramatic and beautiful ways. And its what Glennon Doyle Molton calls “Brutiful- brutal + beautiful.” If you’re feeling as overwhelmed as me. Talk to yourself. Journal. Seriously.

I give you full permission to fall into the depths of despair. Sounds so contradictory to all the bright and shiny stuff you see online, I know. But really fall into it. The scary abyss of your own mind. Don’t numb it through binge watching or binge eating, scrolling down through Instagram etc. DOn’t numb it, don’t brush it off, don’t pretend you’re happy okay? Who are you trying to fool? If you’ve been feeling shitty for a while, you’ll notice if you need any help or not. If you just numb yourself, you’re not only robbing yourself from feeling true pain, you’re plundering yourself from feeling true joy. Like Brene Brown says, you can’t numb emotions selectively.

For me this has been the key to living a mentally healthy life being an unemployed person in her mid-twenties. Do not numb the negative emotions or experiences. Some days are just pure shit. Others pure rainbows. That’s just life.

So in conclusion, no of course not thats all there is. But we can make the journey so much better when we are fully present to feel all the range of emotions that we are capable of feeling. I am not saying feel shitty and make everyone miserable. I am saying just be alone with your shittiness. It is unbearable. But it will make you appreciate the good times more. You will genuinely be grateful about happiness and joy, once you can sincerely fall into the blackhole.