Do you feel your marriage is on the rocks? Have you analyzed and still could not figure out, what is wrong.
Do you feel that there are lot of arguments between you and your spouse?
Do you have a constant feeling of proving yourself right all the time or are compelled to give rationale for your actions?
If the answer is yes to any of the questions above, then given below are some tried and tested strategies from my own experience
The below steps are recommended to be done in-person, privately in a quiet space, between the couples. There should not be anyone else in this space.
Take a notepad and write down your answers till point 3.
- Remember the time, when you both got married and decided to be part of each other’s lives! Jot it down
- Remember the happy moments! It could be your first child or your first increment or your first car! Anything which both of you cherish! Again make a note of it
- Remember the time, when your spouse said that he or she would do something or did something for you unconditionally.
- Was it when you were ill? Did your spouse take care of your near and dear ones?
- Did your spouse sacrifice his or her career or something in their life to be with you? Even the mere thought, where he or she felt something for you is more than enough. Do not forget to write this one too!
- Remember this principle “Life is short and all of us have to leave this world one day! Conflicts & disagreements happen in every spouse’s life.”
- Answer this simple question in your mind “Do you want to be remembered as someone who cared for all” or “Someone who inflicted sorrow and pain verbally”
- Ask yourself this question “what do you give to others, is it only hate, jealousy and venom.” If you do, people who can, will ultimately leave you and other loved ones like your spouse will still have to bear with you, not because she wants to or has no other option, but because she feels you might turn around a new leaf and probably loves you more than you do. The ones who have left, will probably heave a sigh of relief that they ever got to know you or work with you for those brief moments.
- Go ahead and remember the points listed above, reduce your ego and have an open discussion with your spouse. It does not matter if you have failed in your first try, but keep trying to communicate, till the point; you both have a reasonable understanding of the issue at hand.
- Work
out a solution jointly. Celebrate it and remember the key principle “There is no formula or method for living a successful marriage”. The only principle which effectively works is to have compassion for your spouse and talk till the differences are settled.