My school days were blissful, so were his. We weren’t the teenagers who wanted to fall in love and romance. We wanted to spend time with friends and enjoy life as much as possible because from those days, “love” was meant to be boring, forceful, and stupid. We hated it in unison, but unfortunately, ended up doing what we hated. Often we tend to do the things that we hate.
He made a move and event after event, the love story happened. However, I must say it wasn’t first sight love for me, maybe for him, we were teens, what did we know about love? Perhaps, it was infatuation, to begin with. It wasn’t fun initially because I wasn’t someone who wanted to fall in love; neither was he. He was quite shy and never attempted to lead a conversation, so it was so hard. Slowly and steadily, we became good friends. Years passed, and I wouldn’t lie; I still get butterflies when I see him. He has been and is such a big part of my life.
So phone anxiety was our problem and a blessing. We both hated phone calls and avoided it as much as possible until we realized that it’s possible to keep a relationship moving over text messages. During these 7 years of relationship, we had to do a long-distance relationship for 2 years and continuing.
When people hear this, they think we are insane. Honestly, our relationship works fine because of a few things. Let me share it with you’ll.
We are full-time employees with a goal to own our own separate companies. I don’t work 9–5 because I’m a freelance writer. Sometimes I work throughout the day, sometimes I work only for 2–3 hours, it depends. He is a creative designer and works 9–5, and so we hardly get time to spend with each other.
However, we respect our career and the dedication required. There are days that we wouldn’t even exchange over 10 messages. But there’s one thing we make sure that is to keep the other person informed about the whereabouts, whether we receive a reply or not.
We understood that personal development is equally important as spending time with each other. So we didn’t mind skipping calls and messages to pursue our dreams.
Maybe, that’s one of the things that kept our relationship steady.
Another important thing we made sure to offer — Personal Space. Most couples lack this, I’m not saying our relationship is perfect, it is not! We fight, argue, and whatnot. But we don’t negotiate the personal space just because we want to spend time with each other. The moment you sacrifice your personal space, even without realizing it becomes a factor that ruins your relationship.
Personal space is essential to ease stress, rethink, and relish one’s own comfort. He is a gamer, loves playing video games, and that’s his pastime activity. I make sure not to drop messages while he plays because it’s his alone time.
Similarly, he wouldn’t disturb me when I need my “alone time.” Some of you might find this unromantic, but for me, I need this. If I don’t get my personal space, I’d go crazy.
It is crucial to find time for each other in our busy schedules. If you don’t have him/her in your priority list, you will find it hard to move forward in a long distance relationship.
As I said earlier, we’ve been doing LDR for more than two years. It wasn’t easy, but I like it the hard way. I like waiting for him to get back from work and I like missing him when I’m not occupied. Like me, he liked the fact that we are not seeing or meeting like we used to. It was actually fun and meaningful to wait for something special to happen.
Of course, some days were hard, but it’s OK. It is all worth it. He is so important that I don’t mind waiting. He resonates the same.
So the rule we stuck to was to allocate at least an hour for one another. If it was hard to spend at least an hour, we’d drop messages detailing out the thing. Or we’ll make up the hours some other days. It was all OK because we understood each other’s situations.
Respect is the cornerstone of a relationship. Your relationship would become senseless the moment you lose respect for each other. If you don’t respect, how will you value his/her presence? Let alone the presence, how will your partner feel when he realizes there’s no respect or importance for him/her?
Just like for every individual, it is a must to show respect. By respecting you, let your partner know that this is not only about you. It makes him/her realize that perspectives, thoughts, and wishes might differ, yet that’s OK.
Respect proffers your partner to recognize as an individual.
All these factors boil down to communication. As I said, during these 7 years, we only spoke thrice over calls, but that doesn’t mean we lacked communication.
Our communication was perfect, I wouldn’t even say it was good because we actually made an effort to keep in touch. It was pretty tough, but we had careers and families to care for, so it wasn’t like we only had two of us, and nothing else mattered.
Sending text messages also counts as communication, so you don’t have to stick to phone calls if you don’t find it comfortable. You can talk to your partner and do the needful. However, you need to maintain regular communication for a healthy relationship.
So this is pretty much what we did. I’m trying to say you don’t have to speak for hours to hold on to a relationship. You don’t have to sacrifice your personal growth to keep the relationship moving. Instead, learn to respect and value your partner’s goals while not giving up on yours. It is definitely possible to reach your dreams while being in a long distance and long term relationship. You only need a few things like I mentioned above.
Remember, we had our downs, but we didn’t let go of each other. But if you are in a toxic relationship, please don’t hold on to it, please walk away. It’s all about how you get hooked to your partner’s heart not unnecessary demands.