As a child of trauma, I believed I was broken for a very long time, pieces of me were missing, and that I needed to be fixed. But this was a lie my egoic mind perpetuated to keep me in a constant state of fear.
Yes, I was wounded. I buried parts of myself. But putting on masks and armor were defense mechanisms that helped me cope when I needed them. It didn’t mean I was broken or any part of me was taken away.
Remember, the ego is trying to protect you from additional harm. So it uses fear as a mechanism to keep you safe. And the ego lies to you to keep you afraid.
I needed to understand that I was always whole under all the defense mechanisms, disguises, shields, and labels. Yet, over the years, my soul was whispering to me sweet words of encouragement to look within. Underneath, my authentic self was patiently waiting for me to remember who I was.
I took the healing journey through self-love and self-acceptance to see a different perspective than the one my ego showed me, one of wholeness instead of brokenness.
I want to share my story, and I want to know yours. I believe with all my heart that sharing our stories, the real, ugly, broken ones, is one of the most powerful things in the world because to share our story, we must first accept it. We must own it. We must stop running from it or shoving it into the corner when company comes over. To share our story is to admit that we’ve been changed. ~ Anne White
The Feeling Of Brokenness
Suffering is not brokenness, nor is it unresolved pain. I do not deny the feeling of being broken, but look at what that means. Fragmented or constricted are the definitions I want to use concerning the sense of brokenness. Cracked or bound items are still whole, aren’t they? It’s the sense of value given the thing that changes. For example, when you drop a mug and it cracks, it’s still whole, and most times, it’s still useful.
I believe wholeness is about personal wellbeing. Therefore, it means you are completely authentic. You are entirely yourself with others. See, wholeness is about the fullness of being you—the totality of your authentic self.
So view brokenness as your authenticity being fragmented by the masks, armor, and labels you put on as defense mechanisms, or so your ego feels accepted by others. But these pretenses hide your authentic self.
So, where you are fractured are the places that your authentic self shines through. These areas that seem broken are, in fact, an opportunity for you to shed disguises and make room for your authenticity to emerge. In other words, a growth spurt, a way for your soul to expand.
Feeling uncomfortable because of the awareness of the need to develop and change, which the ego doesn’t like. But the need for growth doesn’t happen once. It’s continuous. Therefore, the feeling of brokenness may return if the egoic mind maintains control.
Brokenness is often the road to breakthrough. Be encouraged. ~ Tony Evans
The Need To Fix
No one likes to watch another suffer. This compassion causes people to want to help. Again, this is a good thing, but be careful how you address the emotional upset of another. Allow them to feel whatever they feel. Don’t judge emotions as positive or negative. They are feelings that are a part of the human experience.
Sometimes people need to let their emotions out. So, when someone shares with you, ask them what they are seeking from you. Do they want advice, comfort, a different perspective, or are they just venting? When you ask, you aren’t negating how they feel, and you show you are actively listening and want to support them in a way that is beneficial to their needs.
Again, no one can fix another or change how someone feels. But sharing stories and emotions helps heal from wounds when done in a loving environment. Only when emotions are let out and not stuffed or denied can armor be removed and authenticity come through.
Sharing emotions is like breathing. If you hold your breath too long, there is fallout. But when someone believes they are a mistake, shame takes hold. Shame is a lie of the ego to keep you trapped in victimhood instead of shifting to survivorship.
But sharing the story and the feeling of shame with someone who loves and accepts you can transform your life. This vulnerable act to communicate with another allows them to see your authenticity through the fractures.
The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi
Brokenness Doesn’t Need Fixing
No one is a mistake or needs fixing. Just because others aren’t acting as you want doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. Maybe your perspective needs to change. Or perhaps you’re missing a vital piece of information that would alter your viewpoint to compassion instead of judgment.
The pain my mother caused me isn’t anyone else’s fault, so why would it be anyone else’s issue to resolve? It’s not. I’m responsible for my healing journey, just like you are. Others can help, but you have to do the work to allow your fullness of being to emerge from the depths of your anguish. Embrace the chance to grow instead of staying stuck in anger, pain, and suffering.
I don’t want pity when I open up and share my story of trauma. I don’t want you to do anything to make my past better. Instead, I want to be loved and accepted as I am. That’s all anybody wants from another, love and acceptance. And surprisingly, it’s easy to give if you allow your compassionate nature to emerge.
Besides, no one can fix another. It’s an illusion of the ego to keep your focus off your healing journey. All you can do is respond with love in all your interactions, and through your loving-kindness, help another.
My husband, Phillip, didn’t try to fix me. Instead, he choose to love me despite the masks and armor I wore because he saw my authenticity shining through my fragmented self.
It is through that brokenness that we find courage and strength. It is what empowers us to do great things. ~ K.S. Ruff
Love Is the Balm For Brokenness
Love is the cosmic healing slave which allows you to remove the masks and armor that keep you fragmented. When you feel accepted as you are, even in your brokenness, it gives you the ability to explore who you authentically are. It shifts your perspective in ways that transform your life.
Phillip could see me before I saw myself. He choose to love and accept me as I was, in pain, suffering, and very controlling. I was so afraid, and yet Phillip loved my messiness and took me as I was. And he continued to love me through my growth, my changes, and still accepts me as I am now, a wholly transformed, authentic version of Terri.
Love doesn’t fix another. It transforms. Why? Because it shifts the experience from one of brokenness to one of acceptance. The power of a loving gesture, or a kind word, is immense when self-acceptance is difficult. When there is another loving you despite your fragmentedness, it shows you that someone sees your wholeness even if you don’t. It’s proof that someone has faith in your ability to become your authentic self.
Phillip saw my wholeness even though I was shattered. He saw my authentic being shining through my fractures. And as I went on my healing journey, he continued to love me as I changed, grew, and developed into my whole authentic self.
We must discover the power of love, the power, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that, we will be able to make this old world a new world. We will be able to make men better. Love is the only way. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Moving Forward To Wholeness
All the answers to all the questions you will ever ask are within you. But sometimes, you need someone else to listen to you to figure them out. This need to communicate with others doesn’t mean you are damaged, something is wrong with you, you’re problematic, or you need to be fixed.
You’re not broken, and you don’t need to be fixed. Healing from past traumas isn’t about fixing, no matter how you feel. It’s about recovering your authenticity that was fractured when you put on the disguises and shields to protect yourself.
These defense mechanisms to deal with fear, stress, pain, sorrow, grief, anger, etc., aren’t serving you. It’s time to put down all this baggage from the past and allow your authentic self to appear.
You are not your past, your pain, or your problems. So, please don’t wear them as part of who you are. Instead, make the conscious choice to heal by loving and accepting yourself so the world can see your wholeness despite any remaining fractures.
Love is within us. It cannot be destroyed. It can be ignored. To the extent that we abandon love, we will feel it has abandoned us. Denying love is our only problem, and embracing it is the only answer. Through the power of love, we can let go of past history and begin again. Love heals, forgives, and makes whole. ~ Ernest Holmes
Do you need help to see a different perspective of brokenness and want your authenticity to shine through? Do you want a strategy to help you overcome the ego’s limiting beliefs and live a successful life? If so, please reach out to me at TerriKozlowski.com, and we can put together an action plan for you to create the life you desire.