One of the biggest myths about grief is that “Time heals all wounds.” It’s what we say to each other perhaps to be nice or as an attempt to offer some solace during a truly difficult time. Well, I’m here to officially tell you that this saying is also a total load of crap!

Nothing simply heals on its own, including grief. TIME DOES NOTHING WITHOUT HEALTHY ACTIONS.

If you broke your arm, you would jump into action in order to stop the pain and get the proper treatment to allow the bone to heal. You’d start out in the Emergency Room being cared for by professional nurses and doctors. An x-ray would help diagnose your condition prior to the doctor setting the bone and applying a cast. Then, you’d attend physical therapy in order to regain the strength in the arm.

The same can be said of healing a broken heart. Time Does Not Heal Grief… You Do. To heal, we must pursue opportunities that will bring about the change we desire.

With such misleading information being passed along, what can we do in order to really get out of the dumps?

Let’s start with these three self-check in questions that help in the grieving process:

1. What are you feeling? Check in regularly with yourself. Take time to sit quietly at given points of time throughout your day. Listen to motivational messages, read positive books, take in uplifting music, and practice positive thinking. I like to call all of this, Soul Food. Click here for some of my favorite Soul Food.

2. How’s your diet? As a living breathing organism, you need sound nourishment even if you don’t feel like eating. The connection between your body and mind is interdependent. A great book on the subject of what to eat is The Brain Fog Fix by Dr. Mike Dow. Dow’s book points to specific foods choices that you can make to help you combat negative emotions and stress and depression.

3. Have you celebrated the small wins? When we are overwhelmed with emotional distress and consumed by grief, our confidence can take a nose dive. You should celebrate getting to work on time, finishing a major project at school, or getting all of the laundry done. These reflection points overtime help to rebuild your confidence.

Healing begins when we acknowledge the emotions we are experiencing are real and can be overcome by practicing the necessary actions to take care of ourselves daily.

Originally published at


  • Karen Millsap

    Resilience & Mindset Coach

    The Groflo

    When I was just 29, my husband was shot and killed, I became steeped in grief and overwhelmed in pain. One day, my son asked, “Mommy are you going to get up today?” I knew I had to either give up or get up. Today, I am a speaker and mindset coach with a deep sense of purpose to share my personal story with those who want a better life. Strengthen your mind, change your thoughts, and choose a new direction.