Balance of masculine and feminine energy. — I truly believe to be successful. This is something one must work to master right away. There are generally two types of people. There is the type of person that is living in the masculine, they are the doers of the world. They are the ones that think they must work really hard to reach their goal, they must make sacrifices, check off all the boxes and stay on a routine in order to get things done. It’s the hustle and grind, it’s the let me work 12 hours a day, it’s stout and strong, and doing it the hard way
The Fear of Failure is one of the most common restraints that holds people back from pursuing great ideas. Imagine if we could become totally free from the fear of failure. Imagine what we could then manifest and create. In this interview series, we are talking to leaders who can share stories and insights from their experience about “Becoming Free From the Fear of Failure.” As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Kathryn Ingle.
Certified Mindset and Business Coach Kathryn Ingle has dedicated her life to the financial and personal freedom of women. A best-selling author and the founder and CEO of Kathryn’s Consulting, LLC., Kathryn’s unique and transformational approach guides men, women, and businesses to crush their goals quickly by combining spirituality and a targeted business strategy. With over 10 years of combined knowledge, her methodology led over 100 students to financial freedom and inner peace.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
Absolutely! I am a 29-year-old mother of three children all below the age of eight. As an intuitive dream architect, business engineer, and certified mindset and business coach, I discovered my life’s passion through my work, it has truly saved my life.
I knew from a very young age I was meant to do great things. I was raised by a single mom who worked as a CNA and witnessed the struggles she went through all while growing up. I felt in my heart that I wanted to do something grand to help her — it seemed very much that she was all alone, and very tired. Because of my environment, I was always the odd one out. I did my best to fit in but we all know that in school you are judged based on several things but one being your economic status. Throughout my early 20s, I landed several corporate jobs and moved up very quickly. I was grateful in the moment, but knew it just wasn’t right. I wasn’t making enough money, I didn’t feel fulfilled, and there was definitely something missing. Through the struggles of money, issues, confidence, issues, generational limitations, and feeling like I couldn’t provide for my children, I sought help in a nonconventional way. This is when I discovered mindfulness material. It all started with a YouTube video of Bob Proctor. That’s when my life begins to change.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?
When I got into mindset work, I met a lovely mentor that completely opened the world for me. When I started Bob Proctor’s program, he had you write out a goal and mine was $5000 a month. That’s all I wanted to do — help pay the bills and not stress about our electricity getting cut off or being evicted. I had a coach myself that was assisting me through the material, and I was incredibly inspired by her.
She was there for me when I didn’t know which way to turn, and I realized I wanted to be that person for other people. That is when I stepped into becoming a coach myself. Through the application of the material I learned, I went from earning $300 a month as a life insurance agent to 30,000 dollars a month consistently in just three months. I called this the most interesting story of my career because it was the moment in time when I realized I was in control of my life and the way I was raised does not dictate what I can become. I realized my gift, and that I could create the life I wanted by doing what I was good at and being genuinely me. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else or follow in the footsteps of my family before me. I realized I could change our lives by helping others change theirs.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I absolutely love this question!
The first is living with full self-love and appreciation, or what some may know as an unshakable self-image. Second being persistence, and third a balance of masculine and feminine energy. Having these three in check can completely change your life.
1. Self image — we have two concepts of self. We have the way that we see ourselves on the inside, and the way that we present ourselves to those outside. For most people, these two selves are not in harmony with one another. Especially with social media these days, people will show up and portray themselves as confident and positive but on the inside, they cannot stand who they are and they do not harbor self-love. Discovering your true self and showing up as that person authentically is vital because you cannot outperform the way you see yourself. You will never go after your dreams and become successful if you first don’t believe it in your soul.
2. Persistence- I see so many people that have given up on their dream because it didn’t go as they thought it should. Most of my clients came to me with an idea in their mind that because it did not work out the way they had anticipated, it wasn’t going to work at all. there is a beautiful term called Praxis, which I use every single day in my coaching. Praxis is beliefs met with action. It will never work if you do not match your level of desire with the same level of action. This goes into masculine and feminine balance, which I will touch on next, but I can guarantee you that every successful person you see did not give up. When I say persistence, I don’t necessarily mean being persistent, with posting on social media, or being persistent with your reach outs (although those are also important) I mean, persisting in the idea of your goal. Persisting and expanding your knowledge, and believing in yourself, persisting toward what you desire, no matter what those around you say. No one else can feel the heat of your desires within your soul, only you can. There is a famous quote that I am in love with and that is “no one is coming to save you, so you better save yourself” no one is going to keep the fire lit within you, you have to be persistent at keeping it lit for yourself, which is putting yourself first.
3. Balance of masculine and feminine energy. — I truly believe to be successful. This is something one must work to master right away. There are generally two types of people. There is the type of person that is living in the masculine, they are the doers of the world. They are the ones that think they must work really hard to reach their goal, they must make sacrifices, check off all the boxes and stay on a routine in order to get things done. It’s the hustle and grind, it’s the let me work 12 hours a day, it’s stout and strong, and doing it the hard way
Then there are people who mostly in feminine energy, the people that sit in plan all day long, meditate all day long, they do the journaling, the researching the studying, they write their affirmations chant their mantras go outside and take nature walks all day long, they do not persist in mechanical action, because they are solely focused on feeling good on the inside.
The magic spot is to find a balance of both. Remember above when I mentioned praxis? There must be a harmonious balance with your spiritual side and your doing side. You cannot want something with all your heart, but never take steps toward it. And you cannot take steps towards something over and over and over again without having some beautiful sense of self and spiritual connection. I can promise you as it has worked with over 150 of my clients, when you find the sweet spot of belief, met with action, and you are able to balance your energy and learn when to push in and lean back the doors will open for you, and you will begin to experience your wildest dreams, as if it were simply magic.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the concept of becoming free from failure. Let’s zoom in a bit. From your experience, why exactly are people so afraid of failure? Why is failure so frightening to us?
Sit back for a moment and imagine this. You walk on a stage to present a speech, and nobody claps. You get invited to a very important luncheon, but you don’t have nice clothes to wear so when you walk in the room, everyone stares at you and starts whispering to each other. You join a new business where you are on a zoom and asked to talk about your successes and other companies, but you start stuttering and stammering because you have nothing to share. You are a little kid that is new to the school, and you don’t look like everybody else. The teacher calls on you to have you answer a question and you get the question wrong. All of your classmates start laughing.
Now think of a time where something similar happened to you. What emotion did you feel in that moment? In my opinion, this is one of the primary reasons for the fear of failure Just because we have associated such a negative emotion with the idea of failure. In each of the scenarios I outlined, the person was in a position where they took the opinions of someone else way more important than their opinions of themselves. I believe the fear of failure really boils down to the fear of feeling that emotion again. We naturally do not like to be made fun of, we do not like to let people down, we do not want to be the odd one out, but the beautiful thing is — when you realize that once you fall in love with yourself, and you carry yourself confidently, and with powerful energy, people don’t make fun of you anymore. You become the most powerful person in the room.
Something else I can say or add is:
This question really depends on one’s definition of failure. Although it sounds cliché, I truly believe that we do not fail until we completely quit. As we are working toward our goal, we may make mistakes. Actually, we will make mistakes. You can look at those hiccups as limitations or lessons that make you stronger moving forward. I believe society tends to beat themselves up when they don’t get it right the first time instead of looking at what maybe didn’t work and pivoting a little bit the next go round.
What are the downsides of being afraid of failure? How can it limit people?
The downsides of being afraid of failure are that it keeps people from persisting and taking action, it has people living in a very low vibration, one where they feel disappointed in themselves, have no self-worth, and do not love who they are. If you are afraid that you’re going to fail and feel disappointment, then you more than likely will not take the action needed spiritually to achieve what you want or take the action mechanically because you want to avoid anything you consider painful. To sum that up — living in the fear of failure means choosing to stay in a state of paralysis. The downside is you will more than likely never get what you want out of life and that’s a pretty sad thing to decide to do
In contrast, can you help articulate a few ways how becoming free from the free of failure can help improve our lives?
Have you ever really thought about what it would feel like to know that your success is guaranteed? Have you ever had the knowing feeling? Like there is not one shadow of a doubt that you will not be able to succeed at something? Let me help you look at it this way — if you are a parent or grandparent and there was a child dropped at your doorstep, what would be your level of confidence that you could care for that child’s needs? Would you be afraid at failing to feed them? Would you be afraid of failing when it comes to changing their diaper or helping them, get dressed? Of course not. Why? Because you have a knowing that you have the ability to succeed at taking care of children. You have gathered enough evidence in your life to prove to you that you are able to successfully ensure the safety of children. This is the upside of eliminating the fear of failure. This is the feeling I want you to Harbor.
You would live life, feeling refreshed, optimistic, energized, and happy, you would feel confident, secure, refreshed, and empowered. Overall, you would live in complete bliss, knowing in your heart that as long as you persist toward the attainment of your goal and you do not allow yourself to be influenced by the outside world, you were one day have everything you’ve ever wanted and that will make you so proud. If you had to choose to stay where you are or achieve everything you want, which would you choose?
We would love to hear your story about your experience dealing with failure. Would you be able to share a story about that with us?
When I first started coaching, I came right into an organization that sold high ticket sales. Now mind you, I had never worked a commission only job in my entire life other than being a life insurance agent in which I could hardly sell $500 a month worth of insurance.
When I got the opportunity to join this team, my immediate automatic response was there is no way I will be able to sell something to someone for $10,000 especially if it is something intangible. That was my old programming, I had gathered evidence my entire life, proving to me that I was a terrible salesperson. I was terrified of the actions I would need to take in order to be successful at this. What if I say the wrong thing, what if I faint, what if I stutter on the live stream and people think I’m crazy? The old me was terrified of these feelings because I knew they would result in disappointment. The new me with the new material decided I was going to show up and be the woman I saw myself as in the future, but not wait until the future to become her, but be her in this moment. Because I eliminated this fear, I changed my entire family’s life. It is literally a rags to riches story. I do not say this to brag, but to ensure that if you will flip from being fearful of anything to having faith that it could work out, if only you would give it your best… you too can change your generational story.
How did you rebound and recover after that? What did you learn from this whole episode? What advice would you give to others based on that story?
it was all a decision. When I began to learn the power of the mind, I realized that everything I thought to be true about myself, with simply just an opinion. In fact, 90% of the beliefs we have about ourselves we didn’t even choose — they came from someone else in some other part of our past, and we decided to take it on as our truth. I can tell you right now, had I stayed fearful of failing I would be in the same place I was in three years ago.
I would not have progressed to where I’m at and I would not have been able to help hundreds of people change their lives. My advice for you is to stop looking at everything that’s not working and stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong and just try for seven days to entertain the idea of what if it does work? How good could I make this? How fast could I grow? How quickly could I smash societal norms and change my entire life? Is it a fact that I cannot be successful at this? Is it an absolute fact that people like me don’t stand a chance?
Let me help you understand what to label as fact/truth and relativity. An absolute truth is something that cannot be changed i.e. the sun set, the tide in the ocean, and gravity. No matter what you want to believe in your mind, you cannot defy gravity and you cannot stop the tide from coming in and out. That is out of your control. ANYTHING else, is relative. It is not fact or truth, it is perception. If it is not truth, or a fact, this means it can be changed. If it can be changed, that means you have a choice. So staying in the fear of failure is a choice just as deciding to release it and look at the bright side.
Fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview. In your opinion, what are 5 steps that everyone can take to become free from the fear of failure”? Please share a story or an example for each.
1. Have a desire
2. Create a goal
3. Use current resources
4. Choose to fully express with harmonic action & spirit
5. Keep the FAITH
I OFTEN SAY TO MY CLIENTS, “IF YOUR WAY ISN’T WORKING, TRY MINE”
Here is my way, if you are reading this article, and you have gotten this far you more than likely have a desire and are ready to at least entertain what it would look like to pursue it. When I say, I desire, I mean something that’s in your heart that does not simply go away. There is a huge difference between intuition and desire and having an impulse. An intuition or intuitive hit will keep tugging at you over and over all throughout life. Remember that choosing to not go after your dreams is a decision in itself. If you have the desire even a little bit, we will move onto the next step which is creating a goal.
Sit down somewhere that is nice and quiet. Think back to when you were a child imagining what you wanted to be when you grew up. Write that down, then go through and look at everyone in the world that is living life the way you wish you were. Are they taking vacations, are they building villages in Africa, are they making $1 million a month, are they feeding the homeless, are they wearing designer clothes, what is it that you want? What does your heart desire? Write it all down and don’t be afraid. We were taught as children to quit daydreaming and get our head out of the clouds, but I can assure you that we were not given an imagination by mistake. We are the only beings on this planet that have this higher faculty, and to create your goal I want you to use every single ounce of it. Dare to dream. Create a desire so big that it makes your heart flutter and your hands sweat. Close your eyes and imagine what your life would look like if you had everything you ever wanted. Write this on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket.
After you’ve decided what your goal is, I want you to sit down and take an inventory of all your resources. If you want to travel, do you have a car? If you want to be healthy, could you make a decision to eat nutritious foods? If you want to speak on a stage, do you know someone that has a connection? If you want to be a public influence, do you have access to a social media account? If you want to learn, could you buy books or listen to audiobooks free on YouTube? if you want to be a writer, could you learn how to articulate yourself in a way that you could write a book? If you wanted to have an online store, could you Google it and figure out where to start? If we would simply look around at all the things, we have accessible to us we would very quickly notice that our reason for not pursuing our goal has nothing to do with not having the means, it has to do with the fear of failing if we do take the shot. It’s a fear of failure in terms of reaching out to someone for help and them telling you “no” or them laughing at your goal. You have access to everything right now to create everything you could ever want. Another promise I will make to you is that your next step appears once you take the first one. This is evolution over a lifetime. Take note of your resources and organize a way to utilize them to begin your journey.
Once you have cultivated a desire, determined the goal, and taken note of your resources, now it is time to fall in love with yourself. A flower would not bloom if it only gave its life half of its effort. The sun would not rise if it only had half the amount of gravity, a lawyer wouldn’t graduate from law school if he didn’t try his best. You must make a decision that you are the person today that has the ability to achieve what you want in the future. You must show up as that person now. A millionaire does not become a millionaire and then act like one, it is the other way around. We have got to release the fear of people judging us for the way that we show up. If you want to dye your hair pink and wear a bikini on zoom, talking about relationships and fitness, then do it. If you want to call out things that might make other people uncomfortable, but deep in your heart, you want to be bold and spicy, then do it. We must live in fuller expression.
Make a conscious decision daily that you will show up, authentically as yourself, leaning in and pulling back when needed, and never let another soul outside of you swear you from who you really are and what you really want. My last step is to hold the faith. Think of achieving your goal as building blocks. You can begin to work on yourself, start using your resources, feel really good about the event you just held online, and then get one negative comment that you allowed to bust down all of your blocks. Imagine the blocks have little Velcro pieces between them. You can have a little below, and the blocks might sway, but they won’t fall over. But let’s say you let the outside world shake you over and repeatedly, the blocks will eventually fall and where are you now? Block number one a.k.a. square one. Hold the faith, no matter what anyone says. All the power of the universe lies within you.
The famous Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “It is possible to fail in many ways…while to succeed is possible only in one way.” Based on your experience, have you found this quote to be true? What do you think Aristotle really meant?
The very first thing that comes to mind is one of my favorite quotes, it is not about doing certain things, but doing things in a certain way. I truly believe the only way to succeed is to persist. However, to fail, you could do so, by quitting, thinking negatively of yourself, hanging around the wrong people, starting something and stopping, beating yourself up all the time, the list goes on.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to start a movement centered around the idea of a gift to the neighbor. Imagine what the world would look like if each person took their special skill, ability, or talent, and helped the next person with it expecting nothing in return? Not only is it helping the person on the other side, but it helps us feel the feeling of giving, and they feel the feeling of gratitude. Think about when you are at a coffee shop, and someone offers to buy you a cup of coffee. Our typical response is no thank you, I’m fine appreciate it. You just removed that person’s ability to feel good about doing something for another person. You also removed your ability to feel very grateful that a stranger would do such a thing for you. I really want to inspire the world to step into their greatness and share it with EASE and flow. People get so hyper focused on using their talents for money when if they would just use their talents for love the money would come soon after. It always works that way.
We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
Dr Joe Dispenza!
Oh my goodness, where do I even start! Dr. Joe Dispenza has completely changed my life with his work! I began my mindfulness journey with the work of Bob Proctor, Earl Nightingale, and Neville Goddard, but when I discovered Dr. Joe Dispenza, and the depth of his work, it completely changed the game for me. My dream is to take my entire clientele to one of his retreats, where we learn his particular meditation that he has used to change the lives of so many people. Not just change the way they see themselves, but literally, heal their bodies and their diseases and elements they thought were genetic and incurable. Oh, man, I would give anything to sit down at the breakfast table with him. I wouldn’t even know where to start, but I envision it being such a mystical magical conversation.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.