Lead Yourself to Lead Others!

When I went to work one day in October 2016, I realized that something was off. I did not feel connected… to myself because I was no longer working towards what was important to me. It took me a while to realize that this “off” feeling, this discomfort in being out of touch was due to a disconnect between what I did and where I was and my values.

Have you ever felt this discomfort? This disconnect? Probably!

As the world is more and more connected, you are more and more disconnected. You rush from one place to the next, one person to the next, one screen to the next and take little time for introspection. Suddenly, you stop, burnt out, feeling stuck or overwhelmed and you realize that what you do does not reflect what you stand for. You realize how long it has been since you last checked in with yourself and ask yourself whether you are “in tune” with your values.

I was listening to Episode 4 of the podcast “Invisibilia” (Season 3) called “The Other Real World” and this is what Betsy Levy Paluck, a psychologist at Princeton University had to say: “We like to think that all of our behaviors flow from our convictions, and what we do is a reflection of who we are and what we think. But we’re constantly tuning ourselves to fit in with the social world around us, oftentimes in ways that we can’t even identify.”

So this is it! When your behaviors flow from your convictions, you are whole and as leaders, we need to feel this connection, this wholeness, to know we are leading from the heart. A study by Léo Bruno and Eduardo Lay says that values “may well be the crucial and underlying determinant of leaders’ behavior.” You are interested in reading this so I would imaging that values are probably the crucial and underlying determinant of YOUR behavior!

Going back to different times in my life when I felt disconnected, I realize that those were the most powerful times for me to make huge changes and once I got over the awkwardness of the situation and worked out what I needed to do reconnect, I soared. Having said that, I continue to ask myself if these moments are necessary – what if I stayed connected by regularly evaluating, re-assessing and taking stock of how in tune I am? I hope to give you an update in a few months as I use the following ideas.

Make great decisions!

Use your terminal values as a guide to your decision-making. When you are faced with a challenging decision, it always helps to link it to what drives you. Is it family? Justice? Adventure? Peace? Whatever your values are, they will allow you to make decisions based on what you believe is right, and this will give you the sense of wholeness and purpose we all long for.

Let’s talk about purpose

How do your values relate to purpose? In the 70’s, Milton Rokeach distinguished between terminal values and instrumental values. He explains terminal values as “desirable end-states of existence; the goals that a person would like to achieve during their lifetime.” If that’s not purpose, I don’t know what is! So as you think about your purpose, consider what your values are and how you can include them in your every day life to give it purpose.

Stay on track!

Oh, what’s this shiny thing over here? Hey, what about that one? Hey, hey! Come back here. Is this in line with your values? Will this add to your sense of purpose? If not, stay right here please. This doesn’t mean that you stop exploring but when you are feeling overwhelmed, more exploration is not what you need. Ask yourself this simple question – right now, is this interesting or useful? If it’s the former, add it to your reading list or maybe to your “explore” folder but for now… stay connected to yourself.

React mindfully

The word “mindful” is thrown around in so many ways these days. Literally, it means “being conscious or aware” and so, this is how I want to use it here. React in a way that shows self-awareness and ask yourself if your reaction is in line with your values. For example, when you are angry with something / someone, does this fit in with your value of “self-respect”? How can you use your values to inform your (re)actions? I will leave this open for you to ponder… No two brains are alike and you will find the solutions that work for you!

Lead yourself and others with integrity

According to the Center for Ethical Leadership, “an ethical leader is a person who acts with integrity”. They define ethical leadership as “knowing your core values and having the courage to act on them on behalf of the common good.” I don’t think I need to add much more to this. Integrity is one of the most valued characteristics of great leaders and in a world with so much healing to be done, you, the ethical leader are the key. Will you have the courage to act on your values on behalf of the common good? Of course you will!

To integrate your values through the body, stand strong in mountain pose, repeat your value to yourself as you inhale and let it go as you exhale. Bring your hands overhead, and let your value go into the world because once you know what you stand for, it’s your duty to let others know!

And please, make sure to let me know how you use your values to drive your behavior!

Originally published at www.leadwithatwist.com


  • Dominique Mas

    Director of Coaching at Medley I Coach I Advisor I Surfer & Adventurer

    I combine my extensive experience in educational leadership in Europe, Asia and the U.S., the lessons learned from coaching emerging leaders, and leading countless group experiences to challenge and support high performers as they create their next big thing.   I am the Director of Coaching for Medley, a NYC based startup that harnesses the power of groups to spark growth and run my own company, Lead With A Twist. Through both of these growth-minded and high impact organizations, I design and facilitate experiences that lead individuals to embody the qualities needed to succeed in fast moving industries.    As a life-long learner, fueled by the experience of living in seven countries and learning from their cultures, I also bring a wide scope of knowledge from my education: - Masters’ in Educational Leadership and Change (Hong Kong Education University) - Post Graduate Certificate in Education (London Education University),  - Certification as a Brain-Based Coach from the NeuroLeadership Institute - Coaching Certification from the International Coaching Federation - Clear Beliefs Coaching Certification    Most importantly, I am a surfer and adventurer, and I live a peaceful life in Brooklyn, NY with my partner, the artist Swissipino and Professor, the greatest dog ever!