In the course of our daily lives, we strive to meet each other’s expectations and then tend to forget that it is all just all about having love towards someone. We sometimes fail to remember that love is the greatest gift that we can give or receive. We forget that life is all about love and connection.
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor who has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She once said:
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
Sometimes we treat the people closes to us, like our spouse or our children in such angry and impatient ways, and at the same time, we would never think of treating a stranger like that! Why? Because we allow our problems to stress us and our lack of time gets in the way of behaving as we should. We forget that love is the most important thing.
Last night I came to kiss my wife goodnight. I was going to bed earlier as I had an early start. She was in the living room watching her favorite show on TV, relaxing after a long day. Her reaction to my kiss was less passionate than usual and not really into it. I got a bit offended by the lack of emotion in her response, but I didn’t say anything.
I guess she felt my discontent, as a few minutes later, she came to our bed to check on me and kissed me with tenderness and love. With a deposit on my emotional bank account, I went to sleep like a baby-comforted by her simple act of caring.
When we experience love, we are happy and fulfilled. Trying to get love is complicated, but the act of giving love is always there. And more often than not, when we give love, we receive love in return.
The Love Bank:
The next day, I remembered what I had once read about our emotional bank account and how every time we do something out of love and respect for the other person, we are adding love units to their emotional accounts.
And every time we criticize, get upset, yell, and hurt the other person, we are taking from their account. If we do it often, people will grow resentful and will end up paying us back the same way. People then are as rich and happy or as miserable and sad as their emotional accounts. And live their lives and react accordingly.
But most importantly, let’s understand that we have the power to change that! We can meet the emotional needs of those we come in contact with daily. We can make others feel exceptionally good.
No wonder that the good book says that we should love one another. Our children, our friends, our co-workers. Everyone with whom we interact every day is in great need of being the beneficiaries of our love.
Thinking about it, I realize it is just such a responsibility we have as human beings. We have, in many ways, the power to enrich or severe each other existences by the way we treat each other, by the love we give or fail to provide in any given situation.
Love is a way of being! If you want to transform your life right now, there is a generous lover inside of you. Ask yourself, what am I here to give? What kindness can I share today! Be a generous giver of love!
Love Starts at Home
Everything we do affects those around us, either positively or negatively. We are continuously depositing or withdrawing from people’s love bank accounts.
I have always appreciated everything my wife does for me, but I was not still very vocal about it. More recently, I have made it a must to thank her as much as possible for every little thing she does, even if I think it is her job as a mother or wife.
I have created a routine to pass by my daughter’s bedroom while she is doing homework or resting, to say a few words of love, encouragement, and show that I care to make sure her emotional bank account is full.
When I look back now at my 22-year-relationship, I can see that the times I was unreasonable and unloving, it amounted to love bank withdrawals in the bank accounts of the people close to me, and that contributed to their unhappiness.
Appreciation is one of the best deposits you can put in the love bank accounts of those you care about. We need to learn to fill the most important emotional needs of the people we love, and that is up to us.
Let’s Be kind
If we are kind to people during their difficult moments, they will never forget it. We are all just doing the best that we can every single day. The simple acts of understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance bond us in more profound levels of connection that one would never obtain by being perfect!
We are naturally attracted to people that make us feel good and repulsed by people that make us feel bad. Have patience and kindness to others’ mistakes and faults. Show honor and respect, and acknowledge people. How about being just a little more generous with our time, awareness, and with our connection & our love?
You have to create the right habits of human interactions by being willing to connect to people, even those you do not like. These loving actions will change your life faster than anything else. Every good thing we repeatedly do has a significant effect on others’ happiness and wellbeing.
Do not look at problems as a reason not to love but as a reason to love even more!
And remember:
Faith allows you to believe that all things are possible if you believe and develop a mindset of certainty.
Hope helps you never to doubt that there is a better future for you if you just believe and take the right steps.
And always remember there is no greater force in the world than the power of love.
There are faith, hope, and love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.
Vitin Landivar/ habitsofsuccess.org