Living in Integrity

What does it mean to be “Living in Integrity?”

Take a moment and articulate what that would look like for you.

Many people will say that this would mean they are honoring their values, their interests, and going for something that they feel is their “purpose,” that lights them up and gives them a feeling of fulfillment.

With that in mind, we can see that the opposite of “Living in Integrity” would be bending over backwards to please everyone ELSE, while putting your OWN wants and needs and desires on the back burner. Sound familiar?

It is impossible to “Live in Integrity” if you are being a “People Pleaser.”

We need to first clarify what exactly defines a “People Pleaser” (and don’t feel bad if this describes you, because we all have varying degrees of this tendency and much of it stems from the way we were brought up).

A “People Pleaser” drops everything to take care of others. This is a problem when it means they keep putting off the things they want and need to get done. 

They love the attention and accolades they receive by helping others and this is a problem when they don’t accept themselves for who they are, outside of their constant “doing!”

“People Pleasers” are overly concerned with what other people think of them. This causes them to procrastinate, be perfectionists, and be overly critical with themselves when they make mistakes. It also causes them to be inauthentic and fake.

They compare themselves to others and never seem to measure up. They are the “go-to” people and are quick to try to solve the problems whenever family or friends come to them for help (which is often!).

Please know that it is wonderful to be a nice person: caring, compassionate, thoughtful, giving and generous!No one is advocating for you to stop being all of those! We all want to be liked, and appreciated, valued and admired.
It’s also wonderful to have high expectations, to strive for excellence and to go “above and beyond.”

You will know it’s a “problem” and you are being “too nice” when you start feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and resentful. If you are noticing that it seems like you are doing all the work, or you’re feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of, these are wonderful messages that something is not right, and needs to change!

Many people will attempt to ignore their negative emotions.

Instead of avoiding uncomfortable emotions or feelings, embrace them! They are there to inform you that you can no longer tolerate some things in your life the way they are.

Change those things and you will feel so much better because you will be more aligned with what’s best for you! That is what “Living in Integrity” feels like!

Take some time to determine what, exactly, is going on in your life that you no longer wish to tolerate. This takes dedicated introspection. Don’t you think you’ve been putting it off for long enough? Now is the time to figure it out!  

You are not meant to feel miserable. 

Feeling miserable and frustrated are signs that something is out of alignment with what’s best for you!

Follow this 3 step process.

1) Journal – Clarify the “Problem”

Find a comfortable time and place where you have no urgent responsibilities or distractions.

Get a pen and paper or notebook and write about whatever comes to your mind. Do not censor or correct anything that you write. 

Let your thoughts and frustrations flow freely from your mind into the paper. Write whatever comes to your mind. Write quickly and freely.

  • What’s bothering you?
  • Describe the situation. 
  • What have you been tolerating and putting up with? 
  • Why does this bother you? 
  • How long has it been going on already?
  • How do you feel about all of this? 
  • Who is involved?
  • When did it start?
  • Did you learn some behaviors or coping mechanisms from a parent or family member? Describe these. (You’re not “blaming” anyone for anything here. Keep these observations as objective as possible.)

Once you’ve clearly articulated what the “problem” is and how you feel about it, the next step is to think about what you want.

2) Journal – What do You “Want”?

It doesn’t matter if you don’t think it’s even possible for you. You’ve maybe never experienced the opposite of what is present for you now. Know that something better is possible! And it’s meant for you! That’s why you feel frustrated or upset when you aren’t experiencing it right now!!

Our emotions are marvelous messengers!

Write about what you “want” in great detail. And resist the temptation to just say what you “don’t” want. Switch it so you are saying what you want. Describe it clearly.

Now you will see that there is an obvious “gap” between where you currently are and where you want to be, or the way things are in your life and the way you would like them to be!

This is great! The awareness and clarity you’ve just discovered are necessary in order for you to do something about it!

3Decide What You’ll Do!

This sounds simplistic, I know! But doing anything is better than remaining stuck and continuing on in a situation or pattern that is no longer serving you!

It might seem like there are no options for you. There are actually all kinds of options!

Continue journalling. Ask yourself, “What could I do?” What have other people done? Find out. Ask them. Google it. 

  • Do you need to learn how to stop procrastinating? 
  • Want to learn how to say “No.” 
  • Need to set boundaries so that people respect you and your decisions? 
  • Do you want to learn how to speak up and voice your opinions and concerns? 

Then do it!

Confidence comes from taking action. Any action is better than staying stuck!

Even if you make a mistake, that’s feedback! You can try something different next time. You always win or learn.

One of the most refreshing things to realize if you’re a “People Pleaser” is that there’s nothing wrong with you.

You’ve got a big heart and you love helping others. Wonderful! Don’t EVER change that. Now extend the same compassion and generosity toward yourself!

Another wonderful thing to discover is that you do not have to try to figure this out on your own! 

We are all going through something, that’s the human condition. Nobody’s life is perfect. And nobody has it all figured out. (Even if it looks like they do!)

No matter where you’re at there are, however, people who are farther along on this Journey of Personal Growth than you currently are.

And there are many experts who are willing to share their immense knowledge and wisdom with you, so that you don’t have to try to figure things out on your own.

As a world class Mindset Coach, I love helping people believe in themselves, be their best, and live an awesome life!

I also love studying from others to see what they’ve learned and what they’ve tried that has worked for them and their clients.

There are systems for everything!

If you are a “People Pleaser” and are ready to live your life with more fun, freedom and fulfillment, I’d like to invite you to attend a FREE online interview series where I interview 21 other experts who are also recovering “People Pleasers.”

I have interviewed best-selling authors, PhD’s, neuroscientists, therapists, and coaches. They’ve experienced intetesting and often traumatic life challenges. Each one has their own area of expertise and they are all dedicated to helping others live happy and rewarding lives.

This series is called:

Living in Integrity: Empowering “People Pleasers” to Stop Procrastinating, Learn to Set Boundaries, and to OWN their Unique Awesomeness!

If you are so busy taking care of the wants and needs of other people, and there is no time left in the day for what’s important to YOU, then this series is perfect for you!

(If you are a mother of premie twins and this describes you, I’m sending you big hugs! Although it might feel very similar, you’re not being a “People Pleaser”! You’re being an awesome mom! Just carry on! Hang in there!  Keep doing what you’re doing! I’ve been there! You’ll get through this busy stage!  If you’re still struggling 10 years from now, then we’ll talk!)

For the rest of you, you need to understand that YOU teach people how to treat you. If there’s something going on in your life that is “unacceptable,” you can do something about it!

If you don’t know how to set boundaries, then you can learn from someone who does!

You’re not alone on this journey! We’re all in this together!

You’ve got your own values and interests and quirks and unique personality. 

Imagine how much fun and freedom you could have if you completely OWNED all of that!

It’s impossible for you to “Live in Integrity” when you put more value on other people than you do on yourself. 

Being a martyr is not sexy! 

Your life is precious! You are here for a reason, and you will feel amazing when you’re “Living in Integrity!”

You too can learn how to truly “OWN your Unique Awesomeness!

Join us!


  • Cyndie Knorr

    Mindset Coach / "Change Agent"

    Cynergy Coaching

    Cyndie Knorr is a Mindset Coach and “Change Agent”. Her specialty is freeing high-achieving business women from their personal prison of being "People Pleasers". She helps extraordinary women finally overcome their self-doubt and procrastination, do what lights THEIR hearts up, and have the courage to take inspired action to make their relationships, their health and their business the best it could ever be! <3     Website:

    YouTube: “Cynergy Coaching: Goal Getter Life”